– Distance – By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-14-2000)

Distance
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-14-2000)

I am so afraid
To be alone in this room
I’m panic stricken with pain because I miss you
Please come knock on my door

To think that you don’t even care
I cant even begin to describe
The pocket of empty that stamps on my heart
I want you here so bad

I just want to hold you
Tell you I love you
Hear you say that you love me
A dream come true

I am so lonely
I ache inside with nowhere to hide
I wish I could touch your face
Kiss you until the break of day

Every attempt leaves me stumped
As to why I continue to live
Why I continue to even try
Just how much more I can give

Distractions only last so long
There is always time to be alone
Time I spend missing your touch
While your out having the time of your life

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-22-2015

November 22, 2015 0

– Concentrated Pain – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-11-2011)

Concentrated Pain
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-11-2011)

My concentrated pain
Pure and not from here
But from everywhere, a taste of it all
Small slices of everything

Everything rotten send down the chute
Land flat on my face

Now on my back
Broken but still standing
Gotten ahead of myself

Not really worth anything
I don’t know why I thought i was
My mistake, I take it back
Drop me like a bad feeling

I don’t deserve flowers
Oh yeah, they aren’t for me

My mistake, I take it back
Now take away the rest
I don’t deserve any of this
Oh yeah, none of it is mine

Only there for a short while
Only here for a short time
The only thing I can take with me
Is my concentrated pain

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-22-2015

November 22, 2015 0

– Clean Slate – By: Shawn D. Petrie (7-12-1995)

Clean Slate
By: Shawn D. Petrie (7-12-1995)

If you wonder too long
About things left unsaid
The problem will seem worse
And you’ll only get depressed

If you can find deep inside
Shelter from the storm
Keep away from a troubled life
That’s in constant mourn

Start it over
With a clean slate
You’ll find it easier to meditate
Start it over
With a clean slate
Things will repair if it’s not too late

I try to block out thoughts
That hurt when I reveal
I try to kill the pain inside
And everything that is real

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-22-2015

November 22, 2015 0

– Doesn’t Matter Anyway – By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-2-2000)

Doesn’t Matter Anyway
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-2-2000)

ALONE-By yourself in this world,
is there any other way to be?
ILLUSION-A love you once had,
or maybe it was a dream.

GONE-Away from the light,
everyone will flee.
LIFE-The beginning of the end
is how it is presented to me.

TEARS-Fall on my shoulders
and mine alone.
LUST-No way to return to
or locate your home.

HATE-Something I feel,
just wont go away.
PAIN-Is what I am given
every single day.

TRUST-Who do you know,
who will want in.
MEN-Everything we do,
we all live in sin.

HELL-It is something that’s real,
we all live in it now.
GOD-Is he for real,
I cannot see how.

HOPE-When it is gone
there is no sense in living
RELATIONSHIPS-Should be a two way street,
I’m tired of giving

END-Yes it is time
to give up on me
UNHOLY-If you think that I am,
then I must be

MATTER-The reality of which
all things are made
STEEL-A cold reality,
slice of the blade

QUESTIONS-You ask me if I care,
do I love will I stay
REALITY-Nothing will last,
It doesn’t matter anyway

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-22-2015

November 22, 2015 0

– Couldn’t Shouldn’t Wouldn’t – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-22-1999)

Couldn’t Shouldn’t Wouldn’t
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-22-1999)

I spend a lot of time with regret
With the things I cannot change
Things that a securely planted in my past
That even though I want to, can’t re-arrange

I know people grow from mistakes
Problems they overcome and move past
But some things though we try to ignore
Go bad and the memory lasts

All of these negative things I feel
Are turning my heart inside out
I can never really understand
What my lessons are really about

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-22-2015

November 22, 2015 0

– Change – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-13-1993)

Change
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-13-1993)

I need a change from the pain
I experience each day
I wake up every morning
Feeling less than a man

I want life without death
And not have to worry which will be my last breath

To love someone as equally
As they love me
And a truth in this reality
That will not bury me

Truth is a lie, I have no more tears to cry
My life is a lie, I have no time to die
My games hand is folded, my mind is shot
In this world of pain and hurt I am lost

I want a system that is equal
That is truthful and all is the same
I want to do something with myself
That will let people recognize my name

How do I decide which decisions to make
How will I know which ones will be mistakes
The minutes tick by and cut my time short
In a world which I can describe in only one way,
hurt

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-21-2015

November 21, 2015 0

– Come Home – By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-2-2006)

Come Home
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-2-2006)

Every day that I spend without you
I tell myself that your just at work
And you’ll be home any time
So i leave the door unlocked, for you

When 5 o’clock rolls around and your not home
I start to panic and reach for the phone
I wonder where you could be, then i remember
That your not coming home

I left the empty spaces the way that they were
Where you had your things, before you left
Come home and fill those spaces with your love
With your heart

I never sleep on your side of the bed
Holding my pillow, crying for you
In the darkest places i look for you,
But your never there

All the things that we used to do, i can never do
you’ve changed the way i look at things
And i don’t want this anymore
If it isn’t with you

Who ever thought that i could feel such pain
It keeps on coming and multiplying
Every day that your away
I grow colder inside

The silence that you left behind
Is agonizing and so unreal
I just cant believe that you are gone
And I’m here alone

I love you more than anything or anyone
That ill ever meet or ever know
But the love i have is not returned
At least not anymore

I’m holding on but I’m losing hope
That you will call and change your mind
And keep the promise that we made that day
To stay together and love forever

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-21-2015

November 21, 2015 0

– Deliberation – By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-16-2000)

Deliberation
By: Shawn Petrie (4-16-2000)

I remember all the times, so hard did I try
I remember the pain and the tears I have cried
I remember the way you left me and all of the lies
And now in confusion I ask myself why

Why should I continue with these foolish dreams
Everyone out there is so cold and so mean
And not everyone has been through and see what I’ve seen
I wish I could start over and wipe the slate clean

Why should I go on feeling so much pain
I wait for the sunshine but all I feel is rain
Why should I work just to pay bills
And fuel a false happiness codependent on pills

Why should I venture out my front door
Why should I bother to try anymore
I have been dealt a bad hand for sure
I have the curse there is no cure

Why should I show to you someone who cares
I’ve tried that before the trust wasn’t there
I walked towards your heart the path was unclear
And now I am left alone with this fear

Why should I wake up, wake up at all
Why should I speak when I am so small
Why should I go back to her make myself crawl
I would forever be running down an infinite hall

Why should I maintain this life all alone
Why should I dismiss what I have been shown
Into the black hole my ability was thrown
And I’m back to square one, I should have known

Why should I pretend and wear a false smile
When inside I am suffering all of the while
I am knee deep in your bullshit, personality flaws and bile
I rethink my path put my self on trial

And when I get confused I remember my past
What has happened before, what will not last
You showed to me someone with no respect and no class
And I wonder how I couldn’t see through your mask

It blows my mind how you can be so cold
It makes me feel weak, tired and old
You weren’t even subtle but brutal and bold
And I need to dispose of this unbearable load

Why do I consider that you may come back
Why would I put myself back into the black
Back in your arms, is that the right track
In causing me pain you have a real knack

I consider these things but its time to forget
The only way to move on is to unload all regret
And look for someone better place a new bet
One with which the basic things will be set

Another into the pages, locked in that book
While you were leaving you didn’t turn to look
You would have seen that all that it took
Was for me to untangle myself and take out the hook

You felt the line loosen the slack knocked you down
I didn’t follow you out, did you look around
I didn’t even talk or even make a sound
You made yourself the fool, acted like a clown

So I can imagine how stupid you feel
You wont act on feelings anymore even if they are real
That was the last chance I gave you, the final meal
But you left in a hurry, sped, your rubber peeled

Forget it that’s enough goddamn when will I learn
I will meet some one perfect, its just not my turn
Believing this bullshit is the only way I will burn
And I will move on, the decision is in and the jury may now adjourn

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-21-2015

November 21, 2015 0

– Cold – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-12-2006)

Cold
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-12-2006)

Things in motion
To fast to catch
To slow to notice
The mind is so full

A discomfort in sitting
Unable to stand, rearrange
The mind believes what it sees
The illusion of rest becomes habitual

A reach out with an ember
It burns bright but quickly fades
Up into the air
Were we stay and try to breathe

Two separate time zones
Two separate hearts together
Jagged pieces break off
And they are forced to fit back together

But still it sticks
With an imperceptible glue
But all the spaces aren’t filled
And some pain is leaking through

Cracks form like the mantle
Of a volcano ready to explode
But the mountain still so high
And the village unaware below

A proud representation of collected gains
On display perfectly placed
Rock solid in their minds
That this is the finest presentation

Ignorance preoccupied their eyes
They need only to look up
The looming fire above there heads
Begins to make its move

Still they do not see
Until it is too late
And all at once and without knowing
The world opens up before them

The collection of memories and possessions
Swept away by the fire
It is all-consuming
And fully unforgiving

Effortlessly the structure is dissected
The strongest beams are broken
The warmest homes on fire
Then quickly become cold

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November 14, 2015 0

– Black Highway – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-14-1994)

Black Highway
By: Shawn Petrie (11-14-1994)

Walking on a black highway
In the middle of the night
Each flash of blinding light
Reminds me of my past life

A memory with no pain
But hate all the same
Because numbness and forgiveness
Is the name of the game

Walking on a black highway
And cannot see my future
And everything I have been through
All is just now a blur

But as I try to remember
There has been trouble and hate
And all I can do is hope, that my
Future doesn’t hold the same fate

It comes to me in a dream
A dark rundown building
God on my side, evil fighting both
A cold place with a silver lining

Crying, laughing, hurting, start over

Walking down a dark path
One small source of light
All of it’s surroundings are cold and dark
But this is shining bright

Listening to the silence
Remembering what I want
And surly what I leave behind now
Will come back around to haunt

Walking on a black highway
This is my only path
Trying but failing and falling into
This worlds unattractive trap

One with lots of hate
And pain that’s one in the same
And winning and survival
Is the name of the game

Walking on a black highway
Trouble sneaks upon me
My hearts been cut open
Leaving my feelings to bleed

I am scared around here, please shelter me
This is the only place I can’t stand

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November 12, 2015 0

– Anymore – By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-27-2006)

Anymore
By: Shawn Petrie (10-27-2006)

I look around at what is left
When everything good has ripped away
The space to fill is enormous
Its so dark and so cold

I touched the light
I once needed so badly
But it either dimmed down
Or got too bright and burnt up

And now there is nothing

I hear the voices around me
I hear the voices in my head
I know what I need to do
But i cannot take the steps

I was once so enveloped
In hate and pain and resentment
But for a time
You took it all away

I did my best to maintain the feelings
But your love was conditional
You had other motives
I could never have imagined

When we said forever
I felt something settle inside
Which was such a wonder feeling
I’d never had before

Along the way i forgot
Overlooked or maybe just couldn’t feel
That what we had was something
That could last forever

I really don’t know whose fault it is
All i feel is this pain
I feel there is no tomorrow
And yesterday is gone

Right now in this living
This mind is surly dying
And my heart hurts so much
I’m waiting for it to die

Maybe that’s what I’m here for
To always settle and to cry
So afraid to live
Terrified to die

How could you be my partner one day
Be by my side and promise forever
Together we slept and the mornings together
Then switch to the cold person you are

I didn’t offer much
But you were always there
You stood and sat and lied beside me
For what would be forever

I never knew until this moment
That forever has no meaning
And with this reality, cold and jagged
I feel no reason to go on,
To even try….anymore

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