Deliberation
By: Shawn Petrie (4-16-2000)
I remember all the times, so hard did I try
I remember the pain and the tears I have cried
I remember the way you left me and all of the lies
And now in confusion I ask myself why
Why should I continue with these foolish dreams
Everyone out there is so cold and so mean
And not everyone has been through and see what I’ve seen
I wish I could start over and wipe the slate clean
Why should I go on feeling so much pain
I wait for the sunshine but all I feel is rain
Why should I work just to pay bills
And fuel a false happiness codependent on pills
Why should I venture out my front door
Why should I bother to try anymore
I have been dealt a bad hand for sure
I have the curse there is no cure
Why should I show to you someone who cares
I’ve tried that before the trust wasn’t there
I walked towards your heart the path was unclear
And now I am left alone with this fear
Why should I wake up, wake up at all
Why should I speak when I am so small
Why should I go back to her make myself crawl
I would forever be running down an infinite hall
Why should I maintain this life all alone
Why should I dismiss what I have been shown
Into the black hole my ability was thrown
And I’m back to square one, I should have known
Why should I pretend and wear a false smile
When inside I am suffering all of the while
I am knee deep in your bullshit, personality flaws and bile
I rethink my path put my self on trial
And when I get confused I remember my past
What has happened before, what will not last
You showed to me someone with no respect and no class
And I wonder how I couldn’t see through your mask
It blows my mind how you can be so cold
It makes me feel weak, tired and old
You weren’t even subtle but brutal and bold
And I need to dispose of this unbearable load
Why do I consider that you may come back
Why would I put myself back into the black
Back in your arms, is that the right track
In causing me pain you have a real knack
I consider these things but its time to forget
The only way to move on is to unload all regret
And look for someone better place a new bet
One with which the basic things will be set
Another into the pages, locked in that book
While you were leaving you didn’t turn to look
You would have seen that all that it took
Was for me to untangle myself and take out the hook
You felt the line loosen the slack knocked you down
I didn’t follow you out, did you look around
I didn’t even talk or even make a sound
You made yourself the fool, acted like a clown
So I can imagine how stupid you feel
You wont act on feelings anymore even if they are real
That was the last chance I gave you, the final meal
But you left in a hurry, sped, your rubber peeled
Forget it that’s enough goddamn when will I learn
I will meet some one perfect, its just not my turn
Believing this bullshit is the only way I will burn
And I will move on, the decision is in and the jury may now adjourn
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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
11-21-2015
