– Black Highway – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-14-1994)

Black Highway
By: Shawn Petrie (11-14-1994)

Walking on a black highway
In the middle of the night
Each flash of blinding light
Reminds me of my past life

A memory with no pain
But hate all the same
Because numbness and forgiveness
Is the name of the game

Walking on a black highway
And cannot see my future
And everything I have been through
All is just now a blur

But as I try to remember
There has been trouble and hate
And all I can do is hope, that my
Future doesn’t hold the same fate

It comes to me in a dream
A dark rundown building
God on my side, evil fighting both
A cold place with a silver lining

Crying, laughing, hurting, start over

Walking down a dark path
One small source of light
All of it’s surroundings are cold and dark
But this is shining bright

Listening to the silence
Remembering what I want
And surly what I leave behind now
Will come back around to haunt

Walking on a black highway
This is my only path
Trying but failing and falling into
This worlds unattractive trap

One with lots of hate
And pain that’s one in the same
And winning and survival
Is the name of the game

Walking on a black highway
Trouble sneaks upon me
My hearts been cut open
Leaving my feelings to bleed

I am scared around here, please shelter me
This is the only place I can’t stand

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November 12, 2015 0

– Better Days – By: Shawn D. Petrie (8-15-1999)

Better Days
By: Shawn Petrie (8-15-1999)

Here in the present I reflect on my past
Just a few months ago, then further back
Recently heart-broken, but was it really a game?
I still refuse to believe every one is the same

Thinking about how I acted
Playing the part of the fool
Realizing with how I acted,
I need to go back to school

Learning slowly what I missed
When I slipped through the cracks
A part of me still wishes though
That I could go back

Remembering what she did
Realizing she did nothing at all
I was too childish and needy and was
The reason for my rise and my fall

Feeling so much better lately
The pain is all slipping away
I find it harder to remember her face
And it gets a little harder every day

I used to avoid the things that I loved
Because they would remind me of her
And just like the path to her memory
The way to her house is a blur

I ask myself if I still care
Honestly I don’t think that I do
An infatuation that burned and died in the fire
Realizing just how thorough we are through

It sure feels good
To be sure I know
That I won’t be thinking of her
Where ever she goes

Now is the time
To go on with my life
Put those childish things aside
Refuse relief in the knife

For my mind was too clouded
To learn the lesson I now see
But the pain she gave to me has reawakened
The knowledge that’s now burned into me

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November 12, 2015 0

– Battle Scars – By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-10-2000)

Battle Scars
By: Shawn Petrie (4-10-2000)

A cold and bitter silence
Tore through my heart when you left
Questions without answers
Tormented thoughts while I lay alone

Left on the floor
A busted version of a greater self-portrait
The person I thought you wanted
A change of plan has left me twisted

Fragmented memories with no right
Sometimes keep me awake in the dark
Holding my self as I grow colder
As I am pulled further away from the light

Sounds strike fear for good reason
What is outside my door
Out in the world
More importantly out in yours

I see you pass
Leaving once again with no warning
Proving that everyone fends for themselves
Twisting the knife in the wound

Another closed session
What goes on behind these closed doors
What lies in store for the liars
Standing there ground in their grief stricken lairs

Time mocking me as I wait
Impatience enforces unwanted emotion
You flash through my mind
And my day has gone to waste

Spending too much time on one
Spending too much time resisting
Spending too much time-wasting time
Wasting too much time on you

Shut the door but the light bleeds through
Embarking on yet another great adventure
Hacking its way through to another
Stopping at nothing continue the cutting

Unholy devotion, burning emotion
Bitterness that tastes so familiar
Reminds me how it feels to hate
How it feels to be alone

I pull the blankets closer
Around my shoulders the front lines to battle
Spotting movement related to your lies
Push my fist through the wall

I arise from this frustration
Sleep is so distant and sacrificial
I close my eyes as I arise
And stumble through my dream blind

The mirror to which I resort to
Reflects a broken image and a shattered faith
Reflects an image which chills me to the bone
I look at myself and find the imperfections

Falling backwards towards another failure
Not quite landing on my feet
Just enough life left to keep me alive
In this world which feels so alien

One thing enters my mind
Something I forget to do
Taking one last walk tonight
Into another corridor of repairs

Twist the top off to reveal salvation
Relief in the tube with no truth
Relief in the colorful array of sizes and potencies
A cool glass of liquid eases the entrance

Settling inside my mind
Beginning to spread through my veins
Starting to stop what was unwanted
Stopping the start of a breakdown

Heavy on my feet the world becomes less bearing
The thoughts of insistence become inconsistent
Lying back down one more time, one more try
I have no choice now but to surrender

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November 11, 2015 0

– Anymore – By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-27-2006)

Anymore
By: Shawn Petrie (10-27-2006)

I look around at what is left
When everything good has ripped away
The space to fill is enormous
Its so dark and so cold

I touched the light
I once needed so badly
But it either dimmed down
Or got too bright and burnt up

And now there is nothing

I hear the voices around me
I hear the voices in my head
I know what I need to do
But i cannot take the steps

I was once so enveloped
In hate and pain and resentment
But for a time
You took it all away

I did my best to maintain the feelings
But your love was conditional
You had other motives
I could never have imagined

When we said forever
I felt something settle inside
Which was such a wonder feeling
I’d never had before

Along the way i forgot
Overlooked or maybe just couldn’t feel
That what we had was something
That could last forever

I really don’t know whose fault it is
All i feel is this pain
I feel there is no tomorrow
And yesterday is gone

Right now in this living
This mind is surly dying
And my heart hurts so much
I’m waiting for it to die

Maybe that’s what I’m here for
To always settle and to cry
So afraid to live
Terrified to die

How could you be my partner one day
Be by my side and promise forever
Together we slept and the mornings together
Then switch to the cold person you are

I didn’t offer much
But you were always there
You stood and sat and lied beside me
For what would be forever

I never knew until this moment
That forever has no meaning
And with this reality, cold and jagged
I feel no reason to go on,
To even try….anymore

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November 11, 2015 0

– Asking for a lot – By: Shawn D. Petrie (2-22-2002)

Asking for a lot
By: Shawn Petrie (2-22-2002)

There’s got to be someone in this world
Who need the things I need
Who feels the love i feel
And loves the things i love

There’s got to be a place for me
Where no pain or harm can reach
A place where i can be with you
A place you might just wish for too

There’s got to be someone in this world
That will never turn away
When i ask them will they always stay
\when the harshest parts of me are strong

There’s got to be a life for me
That is enough to satisfy
That’s enough to keep me smiling
For more that just a minute

There’s no way i will ever know
Unless i just get up and go
And search for the dreams i feel inside
There’s got to be a pay off for me

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November 11, 2015 0

– BE GONE – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-13-1995)

BE GONE
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-13-1995)

ONCE IN A DAY
BEFORE THE SUN RISES
LOST ONLY IN A FEW
BEGIN END NOW I AM ALSO

MAYBE I WILL COME OVER
WE WILL TALK FOR A WHILE
YOU CAN ASK ME ABOUT MY DAY
I WILL TELL YOU WITH A SMILE

GONE FOR A RIDE
FOR A WALK OUTSIDE
IT IS SUCH A BIG WORLD
I AM SO SMALL

PROMISES LOST
FORGOTTEN IN THE ASH
FADING LOVE, HOPE TO FOLLOW
TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

I THINK I WILL SHOW
CAUSE SOME TROUBLE
LEAVE YOU ALONE
LEAVE ME ALONE

ONCE IN A DAY
BEFORE THE SUN RISES
LOST IN A SECOND
GONE FOREVER

SOON TO BE FOUND
LOST IN THE SYSTEM
JUDGE ME ON MY APPEARANCE
I KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING

STOP BY AND SAY HI
CLOSE YOUR DOOR
BE GONE
BE FUCKING GONE

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November 9, 2015 0

– Burning Rainbows – By: Shawn D. Petrie (8-4-1995)

Burning Rainbows
By: Shawn D. Petrie (8-4-1995)

Ready burning rainbows
ripe for the picking
keep it under lock and key
safe inside from you and me

Separated odd affairs
thrown into the mix
I wonder how this could ever work
under circumstances out of my control

Tunnels of love
empty out into cold rooms
storage for the mind
corruption of its tools

Ready burning rainbows
talking against themselves
talk and say they have no meaning
at least not anymore

Nothing symbolizes love
at least not anymore
stomp it away and leave yourself wondering
just what is this love for?

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November 9, 2015 1

– Always The Same – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-12-2000)

Always the same
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-12-2000)

In a world that feels as cold as ice
I cling to those who treat me nice
But that almost always ends in pain
Everyone just keeps playing there games

There was a time I would hate just to spite
The people who hurt me, the ones I would fight
The ones who would leave me always alone
Only shortly after my true feelings have shown

Can’t anyone look, realize just like me
That life’s already hard and not as it should be
My friends and my foes I delicately arrange
All the time wishing, hoping for change

You sit in your place and you seem up so high
I wish you could feel this and notice my cries
I only just wanted to see us the same
But were saying goodbye before saying our names

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November 9, 2015 0

– An Ending – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-11-2004)

An Ending By: Shawn Petrie (11-11-2004)

When I asked where you were going
You replied with one simple answer
You said that you’d be going away.

Forever

You turned away and closed your eyes
My blood ran cold with your next few words
You said you couldn’t stand another day.

Together

I helped you pack because i was strong
I’m not supposed to show the pain
We split up all the things we bought.

Together

And when you left i died inside
It was then that i began to cry
And i knew that i would be alone.

Forever

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November 8, 2015 0

– A taste of life – By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-31-2006)

A taste of life
By: Shawn Petrie (10-31-2006)

As I sit here alone
Remembering what we had
That pain that wells inside of me
Is almost too much to bear

But i must sit with it
I must live with it
What else can i do
Suicide was not for me

The hardest part has passed
So i know that i am strong
Even though i do not want to be
And wish that i had terminated my self

There’s a bitter taste
Of what i used to have
What i thought i would never loose
What i trusted and depended on

The taste is making me sick
As i try to wash it out
It will never go away
And it gets more rancid every day

Of course it wasn’t perfect
But it was what we had
And it was always you and me
Then one day it was not

And ill never know what happened
What turned you once and for all
What thought you got in your head
Or who look at you with lust

Who looks better than me
Or you think can offer more
They will never love you like i do
And they will never take care of you like i did

I lost what i had
Or maybe it was taken
Or maybe it was never really there
But it was for sure a taste of life

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November 8, 2015 0

– A shade of hope – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-19-2004)

A shade of hope
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-19-2004)

I rub my eyes, I need sleep
A dive into a peaceful dream
Without rejection, tears and pain
A perfect place in my brain
A world where people, truly care
And you can count on them to keep you near
Common is security, a safe tomorrow
No debt to pay, for the smiles I’ve borrowed

A shade of hope, I can see
It helps me cope, it helps me breath
It pulls me closer, to my dream
Pushes me when, I forget to believe
We all must want to make this real
Take actions on the things we feel
Rise above pain and hate
Never believe that it’s too late

But I’m still alone, who else cares
Who else dreams of that place out there
Who else wants this world of new
Who else wants to make it true
Light through my window is shining on me
Through my front door I awake to see
We have been given, one more chance
To create true harmony, the perfect dance

To make a change, to make it last
Move away from our painful past
Pull ourselves closer to a better day
Learn from what history has to say
I step into, this new day
I try to put those dreams away
And focus on what can be done
To create a life where we all have won