wait – loss By: Shawn D. Petrie

wait – loss
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-28-2015)

Tears which never seem to end
Now seem to be my only friend
Loneliness and pain brought on again
By this cold and empty palace of lies

Frustration in my brain
An all to familiar need
I wish i could close my eyes
And drift away

Into sleep I dream to be
My only escape which doesn’t happen easily
I fight to stay awake to feel more pain
To wait out this time alone

As the world begins to freeze
Taking the final breath from me
Its clear to see whats left for me
Is the void in which i lay stagnant

biding by time
waiting for what
paying the ultimate cost
waiting for the loss

Of everything

F O L L O W A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y
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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

I’m Done By: Shawn D. Petrie

I’m Done
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-14-2000)

Where are all my friends at
Have they all ran away
Or just found something better to do
Than to try to help me through

I haven’t the money anymore
To buy the things that occupy my time
To help me through to a natural end
One which will not come soon enough

I haven’t the strength to fight
I have wasted it all years ago
Fighting to keep my head above water
When I should have let myself drown

My phone hasn’t rang in days
It seems the world is dead
No one thinks about me
Why should I continue to live

I don’t know what I will do next
Still procrastinating to a certain end
Living a life I have despised from day one
Turn me over the better half of me is done

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

In a dreamy state By: Shawn D. Petrie

In a dreamy state
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-12-1994)

Walking down a hallway
The hallway of my dreams
Where no one can be found
No one can hear my screams

If you trip and fall you won’t feel the pain
And which door to open is the only game
You will never feel weak the path is easy and real
In the hallway of my dreams love is all I feel

In a dreamy state I’m free
Free from life as we know it
In a dreamy state I’ll be
Fine as long as I’m in here

In a dreamy state I know
That I cannot subdue
In a dreamy state I’ll act
Act like myself alone

It isn’t hard to find
The hallway of my dreams
With slit wrists and rolled back eyes
Blood in runny streams

When you enter here
You will never again see rest
But compared to your chilly life
This dreamy state is the best

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

Imperfect perception of perfection By: Shawn D. Petrie

Imperfect perception of perfection
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-11-2000)

Maybe you aren’t so perfect
You didn’t show any signs of the one
So why did I insist on believing you were
When the whole time my love you would shun

It wasn’t that you were for me
But rather someone in mind
That I wanted, had, lost whatever
That is why I promised forever

You haven’t come back to me yet
And I think you are gone for good
Now this is prime time to get it together
And go on with my life like I should

What about you brought me joy?
What about you brought me pain?
Joy is hard for me to recall but I remember
Your childish painful games

I’m tired of thinking I live for you
I maintained feelings which never changed
Now I am scared to ever see you again
Because I know your still the same

I don’t believe you will return
You are gone for good this time
You thought that I couldn’t see through you
But I only pretended to be blind

I look at your hair
Unwashed and unclean
I remember your disposition
Ungrateful, cold and mean

I remember your clothes
Thrown on the bed unwashed
And I ask myself if what I wanted
Is still something I lost

I saw your eyes
They disguise lies to deceive
Holding back terrible things
That you yourself could not even believe

I remember your fun
Whatever it took to entertain
Whatever you wanted now you got
But all my pastimes are stained

I remember your house, your room
Clothing on the floor
Signs they were tossed in the heat of desire
You could be my worst fear for sure

I remember your mothers words
“She isn’t worth your time”
I wonder with all of this good advice
What the hell was going on in my mind

You dropped me like our plans
You couldn’t even say goodbye, answer the call
And among too many other things to mention
Makes me realize you aren’t so perfect after all

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

FRIENDS By: Shawn D. Petrie

FRIENDS
By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-3-1994)

FRIENDS CAN BE THERE
WHEN YOU’RE DOWN

SOMETIMES IT’S NICE
WHEN THERE AROUND

BUT THEY SOMEHOW TURN SO EASILY

ALL THE LIES YOU FAIL TO SEE

FRIENDS WILL BEAT YOU TO THE GROUND

FRIENDS WILL HIT YOU
WHEN YOU’RE DOWN

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

If you knew By: Shawn D. Petrie

If you knew
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-19-2015)

The darkness fills my eyes
As we say our last goodbyes
If you only knew what id do for you
If you were mine

An emptiness fills the silence
But im screaming out inside
If you only knew just how much
I love you

Life is short and nothings free
But the love that once was Between you and me
But now its faded like your memories
Of better times

But I cannot focus
On what lies beneath
The memories that are
Filling me are positive
And I can only cry

If you knew what I would do for you
I would die for you
Tell a lie for you
I would take the brunt of any force
Without a flinch
For you of course

If you only knew
How I feel inside
And how when I lost you
Something died
That I cant replace
I miss your face
And I miss you

If you knew how I hope
As each day passes
That that will be the very last day
That I spend without you
But there behind it
Is another day, alone

The notes and tags, the gifts the rags
Laying around and hidden in plain sight
A constant reminder
Of what we once had
But will never have again

I have lost my best friend

The only one who will ever know
The real me
The one even I cant see
And help me grow those days
Are sadly over

But there is no blame
The cant be a cause
Is the universe perhaps because
No ones meant to feel that way
Forever

But if you knew
How I hoped and prayed
To a god I don’t know
Cause he never showed
To make that wish come true for me
Which was you

If you only knew the truth
I will never be me without you
I can only be what is left
Of an assembled mess
From pieces that don’t fit
They don’t make sense
They never will again

As I slid that ring on your finger
In that moment my heart does linger
And I miss holding your hand
When you wore your ring

I miss your touch
I miss your kiss
I miss your love
I miss so much

If you only knew what I now know
You’d forgive me
But with so much distance
So much pain
Lies and hurt
And draught and rain
How could we ever go back to what
I remember

Is what I picture true?
Were you ever mine?
Nothing is real anymore
So I must step back let you live your life
The life you tried so hard for with me
But I destroyed your dreams

I am sorry that I hurt you
And I sorry for this reality
I’m sorry for so many things
Maybe if you knew

You could forgive me

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-24-15)

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December 24, 2015 0

I have not forgotten By: Shawn D. Petrie

I have not forgotten
By: Shawn D. Petrie (2-5-2007)

I stepped into a situation
I knew not how to deal
With far to many emotions
Some of which weren’t real

But something always felt so good
Just looking in your eyes
I have so much respect for you
Though i seem to make you cry

You push me back so very hard
But i only came on stronger
Until you could no long breathe
And we could not last much longer

But i couldn’t let you go
For sure i don’t know why
So two more times i looked for love
I knew i had to try

My my had not frown enough
To see all that was wrong
And eventually we split apart
And its has since been very long

I survived and got my wish
A beautiful girl to call my own
She liked me very much
And her attraction was always shown

So many years later
Once my life was carved in stone
She disappeared from me all at once
And now i’m all alone

Without even looking
She came up clear to me
The one that melts me with her eyes
we were both surprised

I had to let her know
That i was still around
I had to try to talk to her
And prove that i’m on steady ground

She talked to me
And then we met
And all the things I’d soon forget
Came rushing back to me

But with a grown up clarity

And here is where i stand
I want to be your friend
I want to make you happy
And know you think of me

I want to spend the hours
Talking until we’re tired
I want to make love to you
I want to feel you close

I want to hold onto the dream
That you could be the one
That we could spend the rest of time
Together and as one

But as it stands right now
I must forget it all
And worry about the simple next step
Which one of us is going to call

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-24-15)

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December 24, 2015 0

This Nightmare Christmas Eve (12-24-2015)

This Nightmare Christmas Eve
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-24-2015)

Twas the night before sadness
Like I’ve never felt before
And the hurt that surrounds me
Has seldom been more

The tree I won’t place
Still stares in my face
As a constant reminder
Of the loss from this place

The stockings (just socks)
Are not hung anywhere
And I am feeling alone
Wondering who cares

Am I meant to suffer
As the snow is impending
To freeze off my love
And destroy this pretending

This holiday season
Burns it it’s own special way
And I curse this Christmas eve
And tomorrow just the same

Why place so much desire
In a heart that’s kept alone…
Some sick kind of joke?
From the leaders on thrones?

Twas the night before madness
As my mind self destructs
I won’t wake up tomorrow
…With a small bit of luck

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-24-15)

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December 24, 2015 0

INNER SEPARATION By: Shawn D. Petrie

INNER SEPARATION
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-22-1999)

THERE IS A CHILD WHO WATCHES
SHE SEES WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH
AND ALTHOUGH THE UNDERSTANDING LACKS
SHE FEELS THE PAIN I FEEL

I CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER
WHAT SHE THINKS OF ME
WHY SHE WANTS TO LEAVE
WHY SHE WON’T GET CLOSE TO ME

THE MIND STILL SEEMS TO REPEAT
I MET HER, KNOCKED OFF MY FEET
AND IT SEEMED SHE WAS THE ONE FOR ME
BUT IN TRUTH IT COULD NEVER BE

SHE MADE ME FEEL I WAS THE ONE FOR HER
BUT IN FACT THE TRUTH WAS BLACK
BECAUSE WHEN I STARTED TO GET CLOSE
HEARTLESSLY SHE TURNED BACK

NOW I PLAY MYSELF, SAY THAT I’M O.K.
I PRETEND I DO NOT FEEL ALONE
I REALIZE NOW THAT NOT EVEN I,
COULD DISPLACE HER SELF RIGHTEOUS THRONE

NOTHING GOING ON INSIDE MY HEAD
NOTHING GOING ON INSIDE MY HEART
EVERYTHING HAS BEEN PUT ON HOLD
‘CAUSE MY INNER SEPARATION IS TEARING ME APART

WHEN WILL THIS CHILD FORGET
THE PAIN I’VE PUT HER THROUGH
ALL MY LOVE MUST HAVE BEEN HELL ON HER
BUT SHE’LL PROBABLY DENY THE TRUTH

THERE IS A CHILD WHO WATCHES
SHE’S COMING INTO HER OWN
AND SOMEDAY SHE’LL SEE
THAT SHE WILL NEVER GET BACK
TO HEAVEN FROM WHICH SHE WAS THROWN

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-24-15)

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December 24, 2015 0

If you cared By: Shawn D. Petrie

If you cared
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-13-2000)

Lets just pretend that for a second you care
I would turn around and you would be standing right there
With a smile on your face and enough love to share
You would cover me with kisses, more than I could bear

You would sit right down next to me on the bed
We would talk of your day and the thoughts in your head
You would consider a hug but would kiss me instead
And we would map out our plans for the day that we wed

And if I felt pain you would offer a hand
You would be there for me, make it easier to stand
You would love me like no one else, your own special brand
You would be my woman and make me feel like a man

We would walk together hand in hand in the park
Shining in our world too bright to get dark
Listening to our kids laugh and hear our dog bark
In our little own way we would leave our own mark

We would be a family of love and the simpler things
You would tell me you love me and look down at your wring
You lean over to kiss me and the birds start to sing
As you smile at the memory that our wedding day brings

We would all sit together at the dining room table
Just like you read about in those fairy tale fables
We wouldn’t be distracted by the radio or cable
To enjoy a quiet evening we would be able

And while our two children are sleeping at night
We make love and hold each other tight
Everything is perfect and feels so right
I look at you stunning, a beautiful sight

You would give me a smile just before you would sleep
All of our promises you could honor and keep
We would be thankful of love which never comes cheap
We would sleep through the night our true love running deep

I love you so much, you must have broke the mold
There are no secrets between us no information sold
I would dream of us together, when our kids have grown old
But I wake up alone, shaking and cold

I look around the room but I don’t see your face
Only a crowd of strangers quiet and harsh in this place
Trying to see where I went wrong I begin to retrace
I feel the loss of something great I cannot replace

My hands are now shaking like they used to before
And I try to escape but I cant find the door
I cry cause it hurts but they force feed me more
I think your out in the crowd but I cannot be sure

I grasp onto the past but the memories fading
My life is forgotten your face is now shading
I have nothing to offer and its all about trading
Im the only one crying amidst all the parading

I miss my children and I miss you
I start to believe this reality is true
This new pain is remembered as nothing thats new
And I surrender to the wolves, nothing more I can do

I look around the room, one last time before I die
And I mourn the loss of my family, I begin to cry
I consider escape but don’t bother to try
But just before I am shredded I open my eyes

The light through my window is shining on me
And my life is right back to how it used to be
I realize what’s happened and I can now see
A world where you don’t care is my reality

A world in which I am still all alone
And you don’t even miss me enough to pick up the phone
A world where you have lied and never have shown
That you are the least bit capable of disarming your throne

A tear runs down my cheek cause I miss you
Every thing was a dream nothing good ever came true
You never cared though I tried to persuade you
And you have hurt me again but what else is new

I get up and force myself to go through the door
Another lifeless day just like the one before
I have had quite enough but there’s always more
Of the memories of you that torment for sure

I passed you on the street, you didn’t look but I stared
Something special in my heart I thought we had shared
You wear a false smile, there’s a new man with you there
And just for a second I pretend that you care

I call out your name in my head but you hear
You look right at me and are effected by my tears
Your heart bursts with a love that’s more that you can bear
I turn around and see you standing right there

I have so many memories that you and I share
And when all of this loneliness becomes too much to bear
I start to tell myself that you will be back how I wish you were here
So just for a second I pretend that you care

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-24-15)

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December 24, 2015 0

Frozen Tears By: Shawn D. Petrie

Frozen Tears
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-22-1993)

Running through the ashes
On a cold December day
I am as cold inside as it is out here
With frozen tears on my face

Dancing in the cold sun
The freezing light of day
It is true to me I am lost inside
And I am never going to pull out of this

Running through the jasmine
A hallucination in my mind
I am half a man, lost to the outside
With frozen tears on my face

If I were really here I could communicate
If I was still alive I could concentrate
I am dead inside and cannot see my fate
Though you are my friend you cannot end the frozen tears on my face

Running through the ashes
On a cold December day
I wish I could freeze my feelings
And unthaw the tears on my face

Dying under a pale moon
The end is finally here
It is true to me I am lost inside
And I will die without a care

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-24-15)

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December 24, 2015 0

Going through the motions By: Shawn D. Petrie

Going through the motions
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-30-2000)

Loneliness felt by fools
Cannot see there future past
Into what could become a better tomorrow
What will and should not last

Heartache felt by lovers
Lost each other somehow in the rain
Proving true positions cannot be revealed
A true reflection of inner pain

Tears display the emptiness inside
A fear of yours to come
Hoping for the best with a light that’s inside, but
Worried they won’t find anyone

Cleansed wounds undressed begin to regress
Unprotected progress forgotten by fear
Praying for someone to ease the pain
Wishing you could hold someone near

Realizing all you can do is hope
Keep a strong heart, stand your ground
Have faith in who you are
Even when there is no one around

I know your in pain, I can see it in your eyes
A lot can be misunderstood
with all the commotion, but it is nothing to be feared
You’re just going through the motions