LIFE ISN’T FREE By: Shawn D. Petrie

LIFE ISN’T FREE
By: Shawn D. Petrie (1-24-1995)

IT’S A STRUGGLE TO GET BY
WHEN YOU WANT TO CRY
THE FACT OF THE MATTER MAY BE
MY FRIEND THIS LIFE ISN’T FREE

THE THINGS THAT MAY BE FREE
THE SAND, THE BIRDS, THE TREES
BUT THE BIRDS DON’T PAY THE BILLS
WHEN YOU’RE DYING
FROM SOME DISEASE

THE ANIMALS AND HEAVEN
SING IN HARMONY
BUT GOD DOESN’T PAY FOR SCHOOLING
IF A DOCTOR OR NURSE YOU WANT TO BE

THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND MONEY
BUT THE BIRDS AND BEES IGNORE
IF YOUR CURSED WITH NO MONEY OR JOB
YOUR BIRTH YOU’LL REGRET EVEN MORE

LIFE IN A NUTSHELL IS DIRTY AND COLD
THE MEEK AND THE HARMLESS WILL DIE
LIFE ISN’T FREE THE PROBLEM WILL STAY
NO MONEY, BIG BILLS
WILL BLACKEN YOUR DAY

LIFE ISN’T FREE
I CAN’T STRESS THAT ENOUGH
LIFE ISN’T FREE IF YOUR DYING TO TRY
LIFE ISN’T FREE I AM GOING INSANE
LIFE ISN’T FREE NEVER SUN ONLY RAIN

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(1-7-2016)

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January 7, 2016 0

Life Line By: Shawn D. Petrie

Life Line
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-13-1995)

You Are the one thing
The only thing that keeps me hanging on
You keep me going
You are my life line

And when I am falling and recalling
Of a life I have lost, not found
When I need you
You keep me in line

You are my life line
You keep me close to home
You keep me ticking
Through the thick and everything

It is as if I am not me
Without you maybe I would be ok
It is as if you keep me dangling
Only by a string and ready to let go

You are my life line
You are the source
You are a sucker to have
Helped me for so long

But you don’t know at all
Just how hard it is for me
Just how hard a try
I do it to stay alive

But you’re my life line
Only you don’t really care
You could drop me into the pit
That place of pain and despair

And you, you’re my life line
You keep me going
Even though you don’t want to
You have lost your interest
And now I am dying

Now I lay me down to rest
Now I lay me down to rest

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(1-7-2016)

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January 7, 2016 0

Keeping me alive By: Shawn D. Petrie

Keeping me alive
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-7-2006)

Feed off me
Take what you can see
Breathe within my home
Never be alone

As long as you have me
You have so much control
Deception is your crutial key
To keeping me alive

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-30-2015)

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December 30, 2015 0

It’s supposed to hurt By: Shawn D. Petrie

It’s supposed to hurt
By: Shawn D. Petrie (2-6-2007)

I begin to panic
Then i start to think the worst
Landing here, being alone
Not living my life with you

If you are not ready
I need to know right now
I cannot let you know
Just whats been on my mind

I will not call today
I need to give it a few days
And let you think of me
Give you time to think of me

But will you be thinking of me
Or will your time just pass
Like a careless caress
As you pass through life, an angel i can’t catch

I want to hold you close
I want you to love me
To need me, and tell me so
And never let me go

Trying to forget the past
Except for the lessons learned
You not giving me any signs
That you are excited about me

I cannot wait forever
I’ve waited seven years
If your feeling can never show
Then it is time for me to give up

Because if you dont want me now
I know that you never will
That i must accept
Swallow the bitter pill

But if you have changed
I know that i can show you
A life full of happiness
And id die to keep you happy

Believing for a second
That fate and true love can exist
If we were meant to be together
This time you wont resist

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-30-2015)

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December 30, 2015 0

DISTANT HOPE By: Shawn D. Petrie

DISTANT HOPE
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-26-1999)

THE TEARS BUILD UP ALL AROUND MY EYES
BUT AS THE DAYS GO BY I FIND IT HARDER TO CRY
THE KIND OF LOVE I GET IS NOT WHAT I NEED
WHAT I NEED IS A LOVE THAT WILL SLOW THE BLEED

I HEAR A LOT OF BULLSHIT
“JUST WAIT YOUR TIME WILL COME”
I ASK MYSELF WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT
“DO YOU THINK I AM THAT DUMB?”

I KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE
SO WHY SHOULD I TRY TO CARE?
WHO FEELS LOVE AND TOO SO ALONE
WHEN I AM NEITHER HERE NOR THERE?

THE PAIN BUILDS UP INSIDE MY SOUL
MY EMOTIONS ALL RUN TO COLD
IT IS ALL BULLSHIT, WHAT I HAVE BEEN TOLD
AND I AM GOING TO DIE ALONE AND OLD

I WISH I WAS DEAD RIGHT NOW
I WISH I DIDN’T WANT WHAT I NEED
I HOPE IF THERE REALLY IS A GOD
HE WILL TAKE ME AWAY

I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I COULD CRY
I FEEL SO ALONE
IT HURTS TO BE ALIVE

I WISH I WOULD JUST DIE
I WISH I WAS DEAD
I WISH I COULD ERASE
THE MEMORY FROM MY HEAD

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-30-15)

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December 30, 2015 0

Just the same By: Shawn D. Petrie

Just the same
By: Shawn D. Petrie (3-20-2000)

Beating my heart against the wall
Trying to push through
Standing on my final ground
There isn’t much else I can do

There is confusion inside my head
Am I who I say?
Have I been looking into my own eyes and
Lying to myself every day?

There is this constant conflict in my mind
Within my heart and my soul
Finally realizing no matter how hard I try
I will never reach my goals

If I claim to be nice
And say that this is true
It is going to take an army of soldiers
To even begin to convince you

And when it comes down to making love
I will loose all the cards from my hand
You will retreat and leave me confused and alone
And your false morality will take its stand

But in a similar situation with a guy who is blunt
Who is cold, distant and untrue
This is the filthy pig you let in your arms
And spend the night with you

You reach into them and find something to love
You look at me and turn away
He holds back emotions and I let mine show
But you don’t believe anything I say

These same girls that dream of a man
Who will gently sweep them off there feet
Settle for scum, take the trash
And go down on six inches of meat

I’m sick off the bullshit and all of the lies
The fucked up games that girls play
And this right here, right now
Will be my final day

Never again will I open myself
To a stranger no matter the length of time
That we have known each other because reality is
You cannot trust or change peoples minds

The easiest way for me to get girls
Is to act like a pig and not care
Starting right now I will harden my heart
And soon there will be a lot of options here

All of the games, the confusing rules
I need the instructions to play
And I will add some water to this bleeding heart
And mold it into a new as though it were clay

Maybe all I have been telling myself
Has long been my own personal game
I refuse to believe that they mirror me
But maybe I am just the same

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

ENEMY FRIENDS By: Shawn D. Petrie

ENEMY FRIENDS
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-23-1995)

When I was a child
Life was full of color
Now that I am a man
Life has turned black and white

When I was growing up
I thought that only good things could happen
When I reached the age of the end
I knew it was just the beginning

Now when I am falling down
Low and self-decaying
I know that I can always turn
To all my enemy friends

Sometimes in life it seems
The only thing that is real
Is the only thing you have
But you lost it years ago

If you dwell on the pain
You will never heal
When you can understand
You are all my enemy friends

If you ask what I see for my future
It doesn’t look too bright
I am wishing on a star
That I will make it till then

When I get scared
Confused and torn away
I will always know that I can turn
To all of my enemy friends

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

Into loneliness By: Shawn D. Petrie

Into loneliness
By: Shawn D. Petrie (1-12-1999)

It all comes down to looks
In this world of show and tell
It’s all about what you poses
Living life in literal hell

I modify my present self
Reform to a friendlier face
I try to find what I think I want
But there’s no one for me in this place

Now I can see if one or the other
Was the fate I have been given
But to be alone and lonely all in one
I resent the life I am living

With an endless string of strikes
With a few fouls just for fun
My lonely soul is bleeding down
And I need to go buy a gun

Now you can call it an easy way out
A solution to a problem too small
I don’t agree and want relief from
The pit into which I do fall

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

INTO HELL… By: Shawn D. Petrie

INTO HELL…
By: Shawn D. Petrie (8-13-1995)

Dark upon my moon lit sight
Once upon that breezeless night
That day I felt the pain brew
I knew my worthless life was through
My mind was filled with fire and hate
Problems beyond which you can relate
I knew I would be pulled into there hell
It was just then that I took a step and fell
Into the lungs of hell

Dark upon my fire burnt fate
You tried but son you were too late
Once upon that hellish end
I found that death was my best friend

Dark because they’re was no sun
Dead that day my life was done
That day I felt the pain explode
Destined to die I couldn’t handle the load

My mind was filled with fire and hate
All my friends tried but were too late
I knew I would break free out of my shell
It was just then that I took a step and fell
Into the pit of hell

Bright was not that dreadful day
I had nothing more to say
Too late to return to my fucked over life
I’ll risk the rest on a double bladed knife
It was burning flesh and death
It was a terrible smell
It was just then that I took a step and fell
Into the hands of hell

I knew my mortal life was done
Thought to myself “My life was fun”
As I sank into my silent screams
Clouded by my blackened dreams
I knew my future was too beyond to tell
It was just then that I took a step,
And fell into the lungs of hell

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

INNOCENT HEART (WISDOM) By: Shawn D. Petrie

INNOCENT HEART (WISDOM)
By: Shawn D. Petrie 3-5-1996

AM I IN YOUR BLACK BOOK?
WHY BOTHER TO LOOK?

WHY DID YOU NOTICE?

WHY DID YOU STARE?
WHY DID YOU SMILE?

WHY DID YOU TRY?
WHY DID I TRY?

WAS IT NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?
SHOULD IT HAVE HAPPENED?

WHY DID YOU LEAVE?
WHY DID I LEAVE?

WHAT MADE US LEAVE TOGETHER?
I WANTED US TO LAST FOREVER

HOW COULD YOU LIE?
WHY DID YOU CRY?

WAS IT ALL A JOKE?
BUT NOT A JOKE TO SHARE

BECAUSE THEN THAT WOULD REVEAL
THAT YOU NEVER CARED

AND YOU NEVER WILL

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

IN THIS WORLD By: Shawn D. Petrie

IN THIS WORLD
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-19-1994)

My heart feels empty
And it wants to burst
It is in times of loneliness
That I feel the worst

My soul cries out
And prays for a mate
But in the world of the uncaring
There is only hate

My brain imagines the perfect love
The perfect girl
But it is so hard to find her
In this world

In this world the love I’d like to have
In this world you need someone special
Help me break free, there is no one here for me
For in this world it is too late

My hours spent weeping
The pain forever will last
I just don’t want to exist
My heart catches fire and burns to ash

I know I will never find love
I know it is too late
I will struggle alone all by myself
It is so hard to survive, in this world

In this world I’d win if I could
In this world, a place I despise

I hate to look in the mirror
And see the same old ugly face
And it is so hard to find love
In this place

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

In the wake of the bloodbath By: Shawn D. Petrie

In the wake of the bloodbath
By: Shawn D. Petrie 11-21-2006

Looking straight ahead, never looking back
Time has passed but still stuck in side this paradox
Hard to find a way, a path to choose and take
Out her in the shit alone, no communication

And all the while it seems
Like the sun will come out soon
But the dark grey clouds cover up
All that they consume

And the rain wont ever stop
And the cold is getting colder
How can I look towards tomorrow
Living in this constant sorrow

Reaching out to touch, the visions in my head
Knowing there not real, i cannot help myself

Living with the pain, with nowhere else to go
Bolted to this tragedy, loving my worst enemy

And all the while it seems
Like things could be ok
But the darkness that surrounds me
Grows deeper every day

It overthrows my heart
Every inch that’s up for sale
Pressing up against the walls
Trying to escape

There was once a time, we could have sailed forever
Living loving being friends, holding hands forever
Those days are hard to find, so hard to just remember
I feel like i cant carry on i feel like i should disappear

The times we spent together, on those uncertain shores
Never really fazed us cause we’ve dealt with that before
But now I’m so uncertain, and certainly alone
And your not here, to help me through

And your not with me now,
So i can help you through this too
Together, forever, no more
Alone forever in the wake of the bloodbath