Just the same By: Shawn D. Petrie

Just the same
By: Shawn D. Petrie (3-20-2000)

Beating my heart against the wall
Trying to push through
Standing on my final ground
There isn’t much else I can do

There is confusion inside my head
Am I who I say?
Have I been looking into my own eyes and
Lying to myself every day?

There is this constant conflict in my mind
Within my heart and my soul
Finally realizing no matter how hard I try
I will never reach my goals

If I claim to be nice
And say that this is true
It is going to take an army of soldiers
To even begin to convince you

And when it comes down to making love
I will loose all the cards from my hand
You will retreat and leave me confused and alone
And your false morality will take its stand

But in a similar situation with a guy who is blunt
Who is cold, distant and untrue
This is the filthy pig you let in your arms
And spend the night with you

You reach into them and find something to love
You look at me and turn away
He holds back emotions and I let mine show
But you don’t believe anything I say

These same girls that dream of a man
Who will gently sweep them off there feet
Settle for scum, take the trash
And go down on six inches of meat

I’m sick off the bullshit and all of the lies
The fucked up games that girls play
And this right here, right now
Will be my final day

Never again will I open myself
To a stranger no matter the length of time
That we have known each other because reality is
You cannot trust or change peoples minds

The easiest way for me to get girls
Is to act like a pig and not care
Starting right now I will harden my heart
And soon there will be a lot of options here

All of the games, the confusing rules
I need the instructions to play
And I will add some water to this bleeding heart
And mold it into a new as though it were clay

Maybe all I have been telling myself
Has long been my own personal game
I refuse to believe that they mirror me
But maybe I am just the same

F O L L O W A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y
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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

ENEMY FRIENDS By: Shawn D. Petrie

ENEMY FRIENDS
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-23-1995)

When I was a child
Life was full of color
Now that I am a man
Life has turned black and white

When I was growing up
I thought that only good things could happen
When I reached the age of the end
I knew it was just the beginning

Now when I am falling down
Low and self-decaying
I know that I can always turn
To all my enemy friends

Sometimes in life it seems
The only thing that is real
Is the only thing you have
But you lost it years ago

If you dwell on the pain
You will never heal
When you can understand
You are all my enemy friends

If you ask what I see for my future
It doesn’t look too bright
I am wishing on a star
That I will make it till then

When I get scared
Confused and torn away
I will always know that I can turn
To all of my enemy friends

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

Into loneliness By: Shawn D. Petrie

Into loneliness
By: Shawn D. Petrie (1-12-1999)

It all comes down to looks
In this world of show and tell
It’s all about what you poses
Living life in literal hell

I modify my present self
Reform to a friendlier face
I try to find what I think I want
But there’s no one for me in this place

Now I can see if one or the other
Was the fate I have been given
But to be alone and lonely all in one
I resent the life I am living

With an endless string of strikes
With a few fouls just for fun
My lonely soul is bleeding down
And I need to go buy a gun

Now you can call it an easy way out
A solution to a problem too small
I don’t agree and want relief from
The pit into which I do fall

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

INTO HELL… By: Shawn D. Petrie

INTO HELL…
By: Shawn D. Petrie (8-13-1995)

Dark upon my moon lit sight
Once upon that breezeless night
That day I felt the pain brew
I knew my worthless life was through
My mind was filled with fire and hate
Problems beyond which you can relate
I knew I would be pulled into there hell
It was just then that I took a step and fell
Into the lungs of hell

Dark upon my fire burnt fate
You tried but son you were too late
Once upon that hellish end
I found that death was my best friend

Dark because they’re was no sun
Dead that day my life was done
That day I felt the pain explode
Destined to die I couldn’t handle the load

My mind was filled with fire and hate
All my friends tried but were too late
I knew I would break free out of my shell
It was just then that I took a step and fell
Into the pit of hell

Bright was not that dreadful day
I had nothing more to say
Too late to return to my fucked over life
I’ll risk the rest on a double bladed knife
It was burning flesh and death
It was a terrible smell
It was just then that I took a step and fell
Into the hands of hell

I knew my mortal life was done
Thought to myself “My life was fun”
As I sank into my silent screams
Clouded by my blackened dreams
I knew my future was too beyond to tell
It was just then that I took a step,
And fell into the lungs of hell

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

INNOCENT HEART (WISDOM) By: Shawn D. Petrie

INNOCENT HEART (WISDOM)
By: Shawn D. Petrie 3-5-1996

AM I IN YOUR BLACK BOOK?
WHY BOTHER TO LOOK?

WHY DID YOU NOTICE?

WHY DID YOU STARE?
WHY DID YOU SMILE?

WHY DID YOU TRY?
WHY DID I TRY?

WAS IT NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?
SHOULD IT HAVE HAPPENED?

WHY DID YOU LEAVE?
WHY DID I LEAVE?

WHAT MADE US LEAVE TOGETHER?
I WANTED US TO LAST FOREVER

HOW COULD YOU LIE?
WHY DID YOU CRY?

WAS IT ALL A JOKE?
BUT NOT A JOKE TO SHARE

BECAUSE THEN THAT WOULD REVEAL
THAT YOU NEVER CARED

AND YOU NEVER WILL

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

IN THIS WORLD By: Shawn D. Petrie

IN THIS WORLD
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-19-1994)

My heart feels empty
And it wants to burst
It is in times of loneliness
That I feel the worst

My soul cries out
And prays for a mate
But in the world of the uncaring
There is only hate

My brain imagines the perfect love
The perfect girl
But it is so hard to find her
In this world

In this world the love I’d like to have
In this world you need someone special
Help me break free, there is no one here for me
For in this world it is too late

My hours spent weeping
The pain forever will last
I just don’t want to exist
My heart catches fire and burns to ash

I know I will never find love
I know it is too late
I will struggle alone all by myself
It is so hard to survive, in this world

In this world I’d win if I could
In this world, a place I despise

I hate to look in the mirror
And see the same old ugly face
And it is so hard to find love
In this place

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

In the wake of the bloodbath By: Shawn D. Petrie

In the wake of the bloodbath
By: Shawn D. Petrie 11-21-2006

Looking straight ahead, never looking back
Time has passed but still stuck in side this paradox
Hard to find a way, a path to choose and take
Out her in the shit alone, no communication

And all the while it seems
Like the sun will come out soon
But the dark grey clouds cover up
All that they consume

And the rain wont ever stop
And the cold is getting colder
How can I look towards tomorrow
Living in this constant sorrow

Reaching out to touch, the visions in my head
Knowing there not real, i cannot help myself

Living with the pain, with nowhere else to go
Bolted to this tragedy, loving my worst enemy

And all the while it seems
Like things could be ok
But the darkness that surrounds me
Grows deeper every day

It overthrows my heart
Every inch that’s up for sale
Pressing up against the walls
Trying to escape

There was once a time, we could have sailed forever
Living loving being friends, holding hands forever
Those days are hard to find, so hard to just remember
I feel like i cant carry on i feel like i should disappear

The times we spent together, on those uncertain shores
Never really fazed us cause we’ve dealt with that before
But now I’m so uncertain, and certainly alone
And your not here, to help me through

And your not with me now,
So i can help you through this too
Together, forever, no more
Alone forever in the wake of the bloodbath

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

In The Bag By: Shawn D. Petrie

In The Bag
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-7-1994)

Your love always seemed so strong
In your arms
I didn’t know right from wrong

That night everything was right
As soon as you reached to turn off the light
The love began and so did my heart
A true example of the perfect start

It was the beginning of love
But and end to my life

Haven’t seen you since that beautiful night
I’ve tried to find you
But it’s an uphill fight

We had something strong
Nothing could go wrong
But I was blind to my fault

And I’m sorry to say
That after that night
She took it all away

Another kick to the heart
One cold blow to the soul
You hurt me so bad
It’s time for me to go

Where I don’t know
But far away from your cold
And I’ll pick up the pieces
Of this lonely broken soul

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

wait – loss By: Shawn D. Petrie

wait – loss
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-28-2015)

Tears which never seem to end
Now seem to be my only friend
Loneliness and pain brought on again
By this cold and empty palace of lies

Frustration in my brain
An all to familiar need
I wish i could close my eyes
And drift away

Into sleep I dream to be
My only escape which doesn’t happen easily
I fight to stay awake to feel more pain
To wait out this time alone

As the world begins to freeze
Taking the final breath from me
Its clear to see whats left for me
Is the void in which i lay stagnant

biding by time
waiting for what
paying the ultimate cost
waiting for the loss

Of everything

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

I’m Done By: Shawn D. Petrie

I’m Done
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-14-2000)

Where are all my friends at
Have they all ran away
Or just found something better to do
Than to try to help me through

I haven’t the money anymore
To buy the things that occupy my time
To help me through to a natural end
One which will not come soon enough

I haven’t the strength to fight
I have wasted it all years ago
Fighting to keep my head above water
When I should have let myself drown

My phone hasn’t rang in days
It seems the world is dead
No one thinks about me
Why should I continue to live

I don’t know what I will do next
Still procrastinating to a certain end
Living a life I have despised from day one
Turn me over the better half of me is done

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

In a dreamy state By: Shawn D. Petrie

In a dreamy state
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-12-1994)

Walking down a hallway
The hallway of my dreams
Where no one can be found
No one can hear my screams

If you trip and fall you won’t feel the pain
And which door to open is the only game
You will never feel weak the path is easy and real
In the hallway of my dreams love is all I feel

In a dreamy state I’m free
Free from life as we know it
In a dreamy state I’ll be
Fine as long as I’m in here

In a dreamy state I know
That I cannot subdue
In a dreamy state I’ll act
Act like myself alone

It isn’t hard to find
The hallway of my dreams
With slit wrists and rolled back eyes
Blood in runny streams

When you enter here
You will never again see rest
But compared to your chilly life
This dreamy state is the best

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-28-15)

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December 28, 2015 0

If you knew By: Shawn D. Petrie

If you knew
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-19-2015)

The darkness fills my eyes
As we say our last goodbyes
If you only knew what id do for you
If you were mine

An emptiness fills the silence
But im screaming out inside
If you only knew just how much
I love you

Life is short and nothings free
But the love that once was Between you and me
But now its faded like your memories
Of better times

But I cannot focus
On what lies beneath
The memories that are
Filling me are positive
And I can only cry

If you knew what I would do for you
I would die for you
Tell a lie for you
I would take the brunt of any force
Without a flinch
For you of course

If you only knew
How I feel inside
And how when I lost you
Something died
That I cant replace
I miss your face
And I miss you

If you knew how I hope
As each day passes
That that will be the very last day
That I spend without you
But there behind it
Is another day, alone

The notes and tags, the gifts the rags
Laying around and hidden in plain sight
A constant reminder
Of what we once had
But will never have again

I have lost my best friend

The only one who will ever know
The real me
The one even I cant see
And help me grow those days
Are sadly over

But there is no blame
The cant be a cause
Is the universe perhaps because
No ones meant to feel that way
Forever

But if you knew
How I hoped and prayed
To a god I don’t know
Cause he never showed
To make that wish come true for me
Which was you

If you only knew the truth
I will never be me without you
I can only be what is left
Of an assembled mess
From pieces that don’t fit
They don’t make sense
They never will again

As I slid that ring on your finger
In that moment my heart does linger
And I miss holding your hand
When you wore your ring

I miss your touch
I miss your kiss
I miss your love
I miss so much

If you only knew what I now know
You’d forgive me
But with so much distance
So much pain
Lies and hurt
And draught and rain
How could we ever go back to what
I remember

Is what I picture true?
Were you ever mine?
Nothing is real anymore
So I must step back let you live your life
The life you tried so hard for with me
But I destroyed your dreams

I am sorry that I hurt you
And I sorry for this reality
I’m sorry for so many things
Maybe if you knew

You could forgive me

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU