Greed By: Shawn D. Petrie

Greed
By: Shawn D. Petrie (1-12-1995)

What does it mean to be happy?
No one is ever really happy
They always want more and more and more
When will it stop, there is only so much out there

They have taken everything away from me
No I am an empty cavity
With nothing to take, nothing to give
Now I am lifeless, look what you did

Do you not even care how selfish you are
I’ve lived with nothing all of my life
And I’ll have nothing when I die
How can I go on

I don’t know how I even get up in the morning
I can’t stand this hell I feel
I now have forgotten possessions
And opened myself up to depression

And I don’t know how to end this
Because it goes on forever
I will never get any rest
But what does it mean to be happy?

I am a bad example
What does it mean to be pissed off?
The answer lies within my blackened soul
I do not care about anything anymore

Do not even consider that I do

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-21-2015)

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December 21, 2015 0

FREE FALL By: Shawn D. Petrie

FREE FALL
By: Shawn D. Petrie (2-18-2001)

I am sitting alone
and ready to cry
I wish I was immortal
I wish I could fly

Crosses are hung
for luck they will give
I wish I was perfect
in happiness live

My stomach hurts,
my hearts broke in two
I wish I was happy
but wishes never come true

You walked away
left me here to die
You didn’t turn around
to see if I’d survive

The one I love fully rejects me
I wish I could lock my heart inside of me
My soul is in pain and it’s spreading all over
Just one happy life I wanted to show her

How do I go on
with this depression inside
All I do is sit alone,
all I do is cry

I wish I was perfect
As perfect as you
I wish I could forget you
But wishes never come true

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-21-2015)

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December 21, 2015 0

I hate you By: Shawn D. Petrie

I hate you
By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-17-2003)

If I saw you on the street today
Would you talk to me
Would you smile, would you say
You were sorry for the time you spent away

I would look into your eyes
And you would laugh as I would ask
If you ever thought of seeing me again
Silly questions never change

Would I still remember
You caused me so much pain
Would you be able to explain it all away
And make me forget that I hate you

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

I don’t know who to blame By: Shawn D. Petrie

I don’t know who to blame
By: Shawn D. Petrie (2-20-2006)

I don’t know who to blame
When everything looks ugly
When all i try to gain
Slips slowly through my fingers

It could be anybody
So it must be everybody
I dont know who to blame
When i point the crooked finger
And feel the anger growing
And cry into the flame

I dont know who to blame

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

Hope By: Shawn D. Petrie

Hope
By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-13-1999)

Why do the things I know I have
Never seem to displace the bad
With a feeling of hope and a chance to win
Standing at the doorway and the line is thin

So why cant I push through
And be only who I can
Realize that I
Am already a man

A feeling I lost
But do not know how
I wish I had what I need right now

But do I really need it
Is this feeling for real
Or is it simply a reaction
To the pain that I still feel

I push and I shove
Until everyone’s gone
And I am left all alone
It’s always the same song

What I need, what I have
Are they one in the same
Is what she has done to me
Really a game

Realizing that people
Will be who they’ll be
And refusing to let them
Twist and change me

The road I am on
Still cant see the end
But I know there is hope
Just around the bend

So tonight I will sleep
Then wake up to a brand new day
Hoping and praying my life will improve
And trying to believe what I hear myself say

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

Hate In My Heart By: Shawn D. Petrie

Hate In My Heart
By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-4-1995)

Form the day I was born
Until the day it’s all gone
I realize it’s been
One generation gone wrong

I feel the things that I have done
Are haunting me now
And things I will continue to do
Will rise from the ashes in sorrow

I do not know what happened that day
You put hate in my heart
You put an end to my love
You put an end to my happiness

And now all I see is faded
Because you distorted my escape to reality
And I’ve lost all my goals because
You played with my sanity

I try to understand
How you got to be so cold
I thought that you wanted
For us to together grow old

But now I realize
That our love will keep us apart
Or maybe it’s just the lack there of
That put the hate in my heart

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

HARDENED PART 2 By: Shawn D. Petrie

HARDENED PART 2
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-12-1999)

I have a crushing problem
It’s simple but it’s true
It’s something I must live with
Because there is nothing I can do

A part of me was lost
So many years ago
And when we are together
I find that piece in you

I’m not sure when it happened
But I can still recall the pain
You seemed to heal my bleeding soul
But my love was spent in vain

And because I feel so broken
That’s why I need you so
And that’s also why it hurts me
When you turn away and go

You said I was obsessed
But that was an excuse you found to leave
You came pre-programmed to resist
The monogamous life I wanted to lead

I cannot help but look around
I see stylized shots of sex appeal
You get violence, pornography, hate, and crime
In one four square daily meal

And all of this I see on TV
Gets me so enraged in pain
I just can’t believe so many people
View life as just a game

Another love lost, another day gone
Another page in my storybook turns
The passion I subdue will continue to cool
As my bitterness continues to burn

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

HARDENED PART 1 By: Shawn D. Petrie

HARDENED PART 1
By: Shawn D. Petrie (4-9-1999)

Nothing matters anymore
I guess nothing ever did
Since you took your love away
I’ve lost my will to live

I try to block out the pain
But I know it’s sinking in
I will surrender to the truth
What you did was such a sin

I’ll revert to my old self
Put the walls up back around
You tore your love away
Left my half bleeding on the ground

You trashed the love we had
I guess that you got bored
I wish I’d had listened when they said
Watch out she’s such a whore

You must never trust the ladies
They all come from the same place
But instead of the usual snake and thorns
They wear an angels face

You were the last one I could trust
With no more love that’s pending
You pushed me to a colder place
A vacant lot,
where my heart has been hardened

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

Fear arises By: Shawn D. Petrie

Fear arises
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-22-2002)

My mind is going in circles
And my thoughts hurt
My head hurts
My eyes hurt
My chest hurts
My stomach hurts
My hands are shaking like they never have before

Tears come so easily
Trust is going down
Love is going away
Hope has long since been gone
Friends are going away
Learning that people don’t care
Knew that all along, just forgot
Life holds no certainty at all for anyone
No one cares
When it comes down to it no one cares
Maybe….maybe your family
That’s what I’m learning
But even that is not certain
So much pain in the world
So many broken marriages
So many single moms and dads
And kids with out parents in foster homes
Scarred for life like me
Move past the scar
No knowledge of how to make my perception change
Knowing its going to take years
Years I feel that i don’t have
And don’t want to spend
Trying to hard to make my life livable
With out complaints, daily pain
And the thoughts that would put me in jail
Or in the hospital
Fucking people dong fucking care
If someone what’s to die it should be there goddamn choice
Not some fucking moron in a white jacket and a clipboard
Interested only because there trained to be
Do they really care will they be there for you
After hours when your alone and you need a hand
Not likely, false sense of meaning in this world
Is what stupid fucking people attach there miserable fucking minds to
Its all they have
Or maybe they become religious
That makes the fucking shit more manageable
That is not in your face reality

That is fantasy with potential to be real
But you will not know until you fucking die
Fucking people are just afraid of dying
So they cling to religion to make them feel better
And it makes them dismiss everything in life as gods will
A work friend of mine feels that way
Making suggestions, saying gods plan
Saying all the things he would not be saying
If ever there came a day he was in my situation
Would be worse for him, with the kids
And why do fucking people have so many goddamn kids, not enough food, love. Trust

Appreciation, jobs, land, fucking air for the
People we have now, if everyone agrees that the
World is the world and you just have to watch out
Why not take the next step and admit that it is shit
Kids give people a purpose
A body to love unconditionally
A body that hopefully will love you unconditionally
That is not a guarantee
There are no guarantees
Show me one good thing in life
Not something that you think is great
But something ill think is great
Nothing much, i have what i want
I’ve bought what i want
Cant buy me love and I’m fucked up
Too fucked up to ever be loved
Understood
Or tolerated for more that a little while
So its my fault life sucks
I don’t know or maybe don’t want to
Be any other way
Is it because i don’t care
Because my brain was formed to believe
That only pain will come forth constantly
And there is no possible way to change it
No way to take out my brain and erase the
Fucked up goddamn shit that has fucked me up
And made my life suck so bad.
Who the fuck am i to complain people have it worse
Of course they do.
I am not worthy of sympathy or a spot in the light of empathy
I deserve nothing i am nothing
And nothing is what i want through my heart and my mind
To make it al stop
Fear of hell
Fear that was shoved down my little baby boy thought
Fear that i don’t understand

I hate

I hate my hands and my nature
I hate being human
I hate the potential to be great
With the potential to be shit
I hate
Fucking hate
So familiar this hate
Put it to be long ago
Waking as a screaming fucking infant
Keeping me from sleep
Keeping me form everything
Everything
Strong word i don’t give a fuck
Fuck you fuck them fuck the world
Fuck dying fuck living
Fuck trust fuck optimism
Fuck relationships fuck divorce
Fuck every fucking thing that sucks in this
World and what do you have left
Not a whole hell of a goddamn lot left
Fucking nothing

I’m pathetic

No reason to try

Right now or ever

No reason to smile

No reason to hope

No optimism here

No way will I trust

No way will i love

No way will i recover

No way do i want to

Incapable of making it stick

Too preoccupied with the failures

Of my weak miserable life

No way do i want to feel

No way do i want to live

No way i can stand this much longer

The right time
The right place
To do the right thing
End this fucking bullshit
Once and for all

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

Falling By: Shawn D. Petrie

Falling
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-2-2001)

Pain so thick it runs through me
Like the blood I’ve shed
Shed for all the worthless

And now I am stunned
Blind and falling into this foggy abyss
Of chemical produced reality

Robotic and dead
Dead are the dreams
I thought I would own

Falling through time, standing still
Running away from everyone
That had taken pieces of me

Then struck by the reality of you
Scared at first
Of the startling perfection

This demi-god unreal
But sitting before me
Guitar in hand

Experience formed habbit
Caused me to dismiss you
Another beautiful man

But you wouldn’t let that go
Stubborn to have your chance

Chance given, exposed to you
So real, ripping away my bullshit

Falling for you
Panicking in this spiral of intense beauty
Not wanting the pain again

But you held onto me
Comforted the uneasy feelings

And now you have awakened me
And I cant let you go

I am in heaven here
Always, in your arms

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

Hating the need By: Shawn D. Petrie

Hating the need
By: Shawn D. Petrie (2-7-2007)

Hating the need
For someone to hold
When its dark, when I’m lonely
When my bed is so cold

Hating the need
For someone to touch
When I find myself shaking
‘cause i need it so much

Hating the need
For someone to call
So quickly I’m hooked
So easily fall

Hating the need
To have someone around
When its empty inside me
And i cant hear a sound

Hating the need
And hoping to learn
Why I’m still so confused
And so easily burned

Hating the need
But seeking the truth
I’m still so afraid
With so much to loose

Hating the need
And wondering why
When i start to feel happy
I still want to cry

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

Hand of death By: Shawn D. Petrie

Hand of death
By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-26-2006)

Waiting for the hand of death
To drain me of this misery
Getting closer every day
As I become impatient

Sitting with this pain i feel
It always ends the same
Never knowing how to learn
From the mistakes that i have made

Left alone so young
Is that the reason why
Emotionally scarred for life
My past is always with me

Holding me back, reminding me
Of what i used to be
Is what ill always be
And that is set in stone

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-16-2015)

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December 16, 2015 0

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