Defeating Myself By: Shawn D. Petrie

Defeating Myself
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-3-2006)

I just can’t take it anymore
The waiting and the wanting
The frustration
And the humiliation

Hating my nature
Deep inside
I cannot change
And i despise

It corrups my thoughts
Makes me suffer
Makes me angry
Makes me hatefull

This imbalence is wretched
And the result is disturbing
The days are now unbearable
And this darkness is burning me

I remember this friend
How could i forget
One of only few
I’ll never leave you behind again

F O L L O W A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y
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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 8, 2015 0

DADDY BROWN By: Shawn D. Petrie

DADDY BROWN
By: Shawn D. Petrie (7-10-1999)

THERE WAS A MAN THAT I ONCE KNEW
THOUGH HE NEVER TAUGHT ME MUCH
HE GOT HIS LAWS AND STANDARDS FROM
A BIBLE FROM AN OLD WOODEN HUTCH

NOW I CAN SEE THAT IT WAS HARD
TO STRUGGLE THROUGH THOSE YEARS
BUT HOW DID HURTING HIS FAMILY
MAKE UP FOR ALL HIS TEARS?

IN SUBTLE WAYS HE LED ME DOWN
A PATH OF THE WALKING DEAD
AND MANY YEARS OF HEARING LIES
I BEGAN TO BELIEVE WHAT HE SAID

FOR MANY YEARS I LIVED BY THIS
A WORLD APART FROM PEACEFUL BLISS
I WANT OUT FOR I HAVE GROWN TIRED
BUT I’VE NEVER BELIEVED IN THE WISH

WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE ALONE
AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE TO BLAME
UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS JUST
A MEANINGLESS, RULELESS GAME

SO MANY YEARS HAVE PASSED
AS I HAVE COLLECTED HATE
AND A HEART HE HOLDS AWAY FROM US
WILL SURLY GO TO WAIST

I CAN STILL RECALL A TIME
WHEN WE STRUGGLED TO GET BY
AND WHEN I THINK OF HIM IN A CELL
I BEGIN TO FEEL SORRY AND CRY

IN ANTICIPATION WE WILL WAIT
FOR OUR TIMES TO COME AND GO
I’LL REGRET THE THINGS THAT I HAVE DONE
BUT I WONDER IF HE WILL

TEN YEARS GONE BUT STILL THE SAME
HIDDEN UNDER SNOW
HOPING IT WILL AT LEAST BE PEACEFUL
WHEN I SAY GOODBYE AND GO

THE PAGES TO MY STORYBOOK CLOSE
AND THE LIGHTS HAVE DIMMED TO GRAY
I WILL WAKE AGAIN TO THE RISE OF THE SUN
AND STRUGGLE THROUGH ANOTHER DAY

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 8, 2015 0

COLD WINDS BLOW By: Shawn D. Petrie

COLD WINDS BLOW
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-13-1993)

YOU JUST ADD TO MY PROBLEMS
WHEN YOU TELL ME THAT I AM WRONG
THERE IS ONLY PAIN INSIDE
AND I STRUGGLE TO GO ON

THE PROBLEMS INSIDE
WRESTLE FLESH TO GET OUT
INSIDE THE MIND OF A DEAD MAN
YOU’LL FIND THE KEY TO WISDOM

I SAY LIFE IS NOT FOR THE LIVING
THEY SAY TAKE THE GOOD AND THE BAD
I SAY I DO NOT CARE ABOUT LIFE
THEY SAY YOU NEED TO GET THROUGH IT
I SAY I DON’T WANT IT ANYWAY

I CAN NO LONGER LIVE
I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO GIVE
DARKNESS FILLS MY HEART AND SOUL
ALL THE BLOOD IN MY VEINS RUNS COLD

THE TIME FOR ME TO DIE IS NEAR
I CANNOT BEAR THE THINGS I FEAR
AND IF YOU QUESTION MY EXISTENCE
I’LL SURLY DIE WITH NO RESISTANCE

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 8, 2015 0

COLD BLOODED By: Shawn D. Petrie

COLD BLOODED
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-4-1995)

LOVE WAS PRESENTED TO ME
THEN STRIPPED AWAY
TRUE FEELINGS IGNORED
BECAUSE THEY CAME FROM THE HEART

THE HEART OF THE BEAST
WITH A BEAUTIFUL SHELL
SHE MAY LOOK SEXY
BUT WILL ONLY LEAD TO HELL

LOVE WAS TEASED LOVE WAS COLD
BUT LOVE NEVER EXISTED
I KNOW HER NEW DISGUISE
IS GETTING OLD

THE CLASSIC STORY
OF LOVE AND A KISS
WAS NEVER INVOLVED
NEVER CROSSED HER MIND

THE CLASSIC FEELING
OF A FEELING SO NICE
BUT SHE CRUSHED MY HEART
IN HER COLD STEEL VICE

SHE WILL ALWAYS BE COLD
COLD BLOODED FOREVER
I WILL NEVER KNOW
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF HER

I WILL NEVER KNOW IF SHE CAN LOVE
I WILL WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
SHE WILL FOREVER BE COLD BLOODED
AND CONTINUE TO LIVE IN HER SIN

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-8-2015)

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December 8, 2015 0

ANTICIPATION By: Shawn D. Petrie

ANTICIPATION
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-12-1999)

Are you forbidden or
The one that is right for me
I cannot allow myself to consider that cause
Right now it is too far away to see

I set my sights on your heart
Will I get it right this time?
Hoping that slowly you will learn
You were made to be mine

And together we await
Each others possible dreams to succeed
Planning very carefully each and every move
Hoping to never exceed

The boundaries which have been set
By persons unnamed and unknown
I hope you feel the same as me when I say
I do not want to be alone

So as this game winds down
To a day when things can become real
I must protect my heart and soul
And be careful not to show what I feel

Besides it is way to soon
To be feeling this way at all
I still need to get over hurdle 2 and
Give you your first call

Its scary to feel this devoted to love
To the need that I think that I need
All I know is that you can be the one to
Heal me and to feed

Three more hours and I will give it a try
Talk as much as I possibly can
And hope that I don’t say the wrong thing
And that you would consider me as your man

I am going to go distract
My mind which is too full
And really think about what I really want
And weed out any unnecessary bull

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 7, 2015 0

AM I A MAN By: Shawn D. Petrie

AM I A MAN
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-16-1995)

Am I a man
What makes a man a man
When he can’t even look at himself in the mirror

What is he considered when he gets scared
Remember a man isn’t supposed to cry
Should a man not feel love
Is he supposed to be alone

No one is totally alone
I am totally alone
I cannot look at myself in the mirror

Sometimes I get scared
Sometimes I run away
Am I allowed to run away
No man runs from anything

Sometimes I cry
Big boys don’t cry do they

Sometimes I feel love
But it is always a dead end

Like life,
Life is a dead end
I like life

Sometimes I feel alone
Maybe I am alone

I have lots of friends
But still I am alone
Maybe I was born to be alone

I am a rebel, I never listen
But I will do anything you say
Nothing exiting ever happens to me

Sometimes I get excited
Shit happens

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 7, 2015 0

– BLACK LIGHT – By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-14-1993)

BLACK LIGHT
By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-14-1993)

12 to 12 is my hourly day
Sleep all day long, sleep my life away
Cannot sleep until night, but as soon as I slip
Up rise the curtains on a nightmarish trip

I pray to this star that helps me to sleep
But that star is evil and corrupts that sleep
Inside myself when the lights aren’t bright
I’m inside my own hell without strength to fight

Feeling tired at first, but as soon as I think
I start to sweat, get weak, my life gone in a wink
Conflicting ideas of death and the end
Don’t fucking lie and say you’re my friend

As I wish to you tonight
Take away all my pain and fright
I wish to you each and every night
Some come true but in the end
I’ll soon find out that star is not my friend

If I could predict the future I would stop
My wish comes true when the curtain drops
But the sky glows white and my star burns black
I wish I could take that first wish back

I lay in my bed blow out the candle lit fire
Problem slip and hide, it’s time to be tired
My one and only though is more like a question
How to evade this fatal obsession

As I wish to you tonight
Release me from my thoughts and fright
The truth I now know is making me wilt
And that poisonous star helps out
As I wish upon this star
I pray for hate to leave me far

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-4-2015)

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December 4, 2015 0

– Cold World – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-16-1995)

Cold World
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-16-1995)

It’s a cold, cold world
When you wait for the end
And the feelings of emptiness
Take over again

My soul spins endlessly
In a circle of death
Kept in motion by
The times spent in the dark

If I had me one wish
I would make the world change
I would bundle up my problems
And never face them again

Then it wouldn’t be so hard
For me to wake up each day
And watch the sands of time
As they slip slowly away

When I’m inside my head
And I’m searching for the door
And I’m finding things out
That I never knew before

Things I can’t forget
And some things I regret
Some of this place I still know so well
This may be the source of my hell

Sink into the black, you’re never coming back
The source of all evil lies within
Run but can’t hide, you’re in for a wild ride
And you’re never coming back

The truth is that you’re blind
And you cannot escape your mind
Your life is spent wasted inside this place
And your ruin will result in the end

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-2-2015)

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December 2, 2015 0

– DYING INSIDE – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-14-1999)

DYING INSIDE
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-14-1999)

I WILL CLOSE THE SHUTTERS
BECAUSE I CAN’T LET YOU SEE ME CRY
WITH ALL OF THIS WAITING AND WONDERING
I AM DYING INSIDE

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT
AND I KNOW THAT THING IS YOU
I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME AS ME
AND FIND YOUR HEART IS TRUE

TWO DAYS HAVE PASSED
MY GIRLFRIEND YOU WERE FOR A DAY
BUT YOU CANNOT REMEMBER THE PROMISE OF LOVE
SO YOU TOOK IT ALL AWAY

I SOON FOUND OUT THAT ALL THE LIES
OUT WEIGHED THE FEELINGS YOU HAD
WHILE YOU ONLY TOYED WITH MY HEART
YOU STILL SEEMED TO TAKE AWAY THE BAD

AND I FOUND OUT THAT THROUGH THE MESS
WHAT YOU TOLD ME WAS A LIE
YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE WITH ME
YOU LEFT ME IN PAIN TO CRY

I TRIED MY BEST TO MAKE IT WORK
I WANTED IT TO BE SO REAL
BUT ONE THING I WILL SLOWLY LEARN
BLOCKS OF ICE JUST CANNOT FEEL

TO YOU I AM JUST ANOTHER GUY
AND THE LINE IS OUT THE DOOR
BUT YOU KEPT ME HANGING ON AND STILL
WANTING TO COME BACK FOR MORE

NOTHING CAN EVER MAKE YOU KNOW
JUST HOW YOU MADE ME FEEL
OUR LOVE BEGAN AND STARTED TO GROW
BUT WHAT IS LEFT IS PAIN SO REAL

EVENTUALLY I , LIKE I ALWAYS DO
WILL MOVE ON TO BE HURT AGAIN
IT IS A VICIOUS CYCLE OF PAIN I AM GIVEN
AND I WISH MY LIFE WOULD JUST END

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN SHOCKED
WHEN I WOULD NOT LET GO, AS I BEGAN TO CRY
YOU HAVE LEFT ME A COLDER PERSON
SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY DYING INSIDE

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-2-2015)

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December 2, 2015 0

– Accepted – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-24-2015)

Accepted
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-24-2015)

accepted into the arms of strangers
only to fear the loss and danger
that I have felt so many times
so I punish the new for others crimes

I miss the signs when someone cares
I push and shove till they aren’t there
maybe I dont appreciate
the things I have and it’s too late

my aching hands can build up walls
but my aching heart can’t hear the calls
because with so many in my phone
I find myself still all Alone

to have it all or so they say
can be so easily stripped away
can be so easily forgotten and lost
can exceed the price to find the cost

like an insignificant child I wander
I look around in tears I wonder
will the rest of my life, I suffer and ponder
till my broken soul is driven asunder

there’s a clock that’s always ticking
there are memories that are always sticking
I want to remove my crazy mind
and learn to see when folks are kind

but I only see the pain they may cause
so I write up a contract with a hidden Clause
that no matter what I’ll fuck it up
and look at that half empty lonely cup

life is so hard too many feelings
too many dealings
too many times I’ve spent wondering why
sitting alone in sadness I cry

but I’ve grown enough to see
that the biggest problem in my life is me
and although I fear the worst in others
by greatest enemy I’ll always be

although I’ve been rejected
the source of the problem has been detected
in the cracked mirror my true self reflected
and I’ll die alone this much I’ve accepted