ANTICIPATION By: Shawn D. Petrie

ANTICIPATION
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-12-1999)

Are you forbidden or
The one that is right for me
I cannot allow myself to consider that cause
Right now it is too far away to see

I set my sights on your heart
Will I get it right this time?
Hoping that slowly you will learn
You were made to be mine

And together we await
Each others possible dreams to succeed
Planning very carefully each and every move
Hoping to never exceed

The boundaries which have been set
By persons unnamed and unknown
I hope you feel the same as me when I say
I do not want to be alone

So as this game winds down
To a day when things can become real
I must protect my heart and soul
And be careful not to show what I feel

Besides it is way to soon
To be feeling this way at all
I still need to get over hurdle 2 and
Give you your first call

Its scary to feel this devoted to love
To the need that I think that I need
All I know is that you can be the one to
Heal me and to feed

Three more hours and I will give it a try
Talk as much as I possibly can
And hope that I don’t say the wrong thing
And that you would consider me as your man

I am going to go distract
My mind which is too full
And really think about what I really want
And weed out any unnecessary bull

F O L L O W A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y
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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 7, 2015 0

BACKSTABBER By: Shawn D. Petrie

BACKSTABBER
By: Shawn D. Petrie (10-12-2000)

You taught me the ways
Of a blind man
You shot me down when I said
“I think I can”

All you’ve ever shown me
Is the wrong way back to shore
You pushed me to the limit
I won’t look around anymore

How could this have happened?
We used to be so close
Out of everyone I’ve ever known
I cared for you the most

All my life I have put trust in others
Only to find the dark
Once you get to know them you find
That you should not embark

And you say you wonder why
I seem to get so mad
If you could only understand what you did
Pushed me beyond the limits of being sad

Now back to sitting alone
Waiting and hoping to win,
Another true friend will come along
With open arms to take me in

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 7, 2015 0

AM I A MAN By: Shawn D. Petrie

AM I A MAN
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-16-1995)

Am I a man
What makes a man a man
When he can’t even look at himself in the mirror

What is he considered when he gets scared
Remember a man isn’t supposed to cry
Should a man not feel love
Is he supposed to be alone

No one is totally alone
I am totally alone
I cannot look at myself in the mirror

Sometimes I get scared
Sometimes I run away
Am I allowed to run away
No man runs from anything

Sometimes I cry
Big boys don’t cry do they

Sometimes I feel love
But it is always a dead end

Like life,
Life is a dead end
I like life

Sometimes I feel alone
Maybe I am alone

I have lots of friends
But still I am alone
Maybe I was born to be alone

I am a rebel, I never listen
But I will do anything you say
Nothing exiting ever happens to me

Sometimes I get excited
Shit happens

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-7-2015)

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December 7, 2015 0

– BLACK LIGHT – By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-14-1993)

BLACK LIGHT
By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-14-1993)

12 to 12 is my hourly day
Sleep all day long, sleep my life away
Cannot sleep until night, but as soon as I slip
Up rise the curtains on a nightmarish trip

I pray to this star that helps me to sleep
But that star is evil and corrupts that sleep
Inside myself when the lights aren’t bright
I’m inside my own hell without strength to fight

Feeling tired at first, but as soon as I think
I start to sweat, get weak, my life gone in a wink
Conflicting ideas of death and the end
Don’t fucking lie and say you’re my friend

As I wish to you tonight
Take away all my pain and fright
I wish to you each and every night
Some come true but in the end
I’ll soon find out that star is not my friend

If I could predict the future I would stop
My wish comes true when the curtain drops
But the sky glows white and my star burns black
I wish I could take that first wish back

I lay in my bed blow out the candle lit fire
Problem slip and hide, it’s time to be tired
My one and only though is more like a question
How to evade this fatal obsession

As I wish to you tonight
Release me from my thoughts and fright
The truth I now know is making me wilt
And that poisonous star helps out
As I wish upon this star
I pray for hate to leave me far

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-4-2015)

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December 4, 2015 0

– BLEEDING – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-13-1994)

BLEEDING
By: D. Shawn Petrie (6-13-1994)

Sometimes I wake up in the morning
and the first thing on my mind
Is the fact that I wish I was never born

Sometimes I go to sleep at night
with one thing on my mind
I hope that I don’t wake up at all

Sometimes I go to bed and toss and turn
And sometimes I don’t wake up at all

It’s hard to get by when you wish you were dead
It’s hard to sort out the thoughts in your head

This can’t be true, I never deceived
I want the truth but you only mislead

Truth cannot shine when I struggle to live
I try to compensate, but what more can I give

I try to find love in the soul of the cold
There is no turning back
once you have turned black hearted

I wish I was never born when love is rejected
And I never learned to keep
my hearts desires protected

Sometimes I wish I’d die
And sometimes inside I do
Sometimes I break down and cry
To protect myself I lie

I’d sell my soul for a quarter
If only to survive
Because in this rat race life
Only the strong will die

I would lie to protect a loved one
I would struggle to survive
If I had a reason and
Someone to help me get by

I would run across the waters
If you were waiting there
If there was someone on the other side
Anyone that cared

I would tell a thousand stories
I would die a thousand deaths
I would battle the evil wrath of sin
If for once my arms you were in

I would do so many things if love was in my life
I wouldn’t cry so much
Or live with one hand on the knife

If there was someone in my life
Maybe I wouldn’t cry

If there was someone In my life
Maybe I wouldn’t die

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-4-2015)

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December 4, 2015 0

– Cold World – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-16-1995)

Cold World
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-16-1995)

It’s a cold, cold world
When you wait for the end
And the feelings of emptiness
Take over again

My soul spins endlessly
In a circle of death
Kept in motion by
The times spent in the dark

If I had me one wish
I would make the world change
I would bundle up my problems
And never face them again

Then it wouldn’t be so hard
For me to wake up each day
And watch the sands of time
As they slip slowly away

When I’m inside my head
And I’m searching for the door
And I’m finding things out
That I never knew before

Things I can’t forget
And some things I regret
Some of this place I still know so well
This may be the source of my hell

Sink into the black, you’re never coming back
The source of all evil lies within
Run but can’t hide, you’re in for a wild ride
And you’re never coming back

The truth is that you’re blind
And you cannot escape your mind
Your life is spent wasted inside this place
And your ruin will result in the end

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-2-2015)

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December 2, 2015 0

– DYING INSIDE – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-14-1999)

DYING INSIDE
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-14-1999)

I WILL CLOSE THE SHUTTERS
BECAUSE I CAN’T LET YOU SEE ME CRY
WITH ALL OF THIS WAITING AND WONDERING
I AM DYING INSIDE

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT
AND I KNOW THAT THING IS YOU
I HOPE YOU FEEL THE SAME AS ME
AND FIND YOUR HEART IS TRUE

TWO DAYS HAVE PASSED
MY GIRLFRIEND YOU WERE FOR A DAY
BUT YOU CANNOT REMEMBER THE PROMISE OF LOVE
SO YOU TOOK IT ALL AWAY

I SOON FOUND OUT THAT ALL THE LIES
OUT WEIGHED THE FEELINGS YOU HAD
WHILE YOU ONLY TOYED WITH MY HEART
YOU STILL SEEMED TO TAKE AWAY THE BAD

AND I FOUND OUT THAT THROUGH THE MESS
WHAT YOU TOLD ME WAS A LIE
YOU NEVER WANTED TO BE WITH ME
YOU LEFT ME IN PAIN TO CRY

I TRIED MY BEST TO MAKE IT WORK
I WANTED IT TO BE SO REAL
BUT ONE THING I WILL SLOWLY LEARN
BLOCKS OF ICE JUST CANNOT FEEL

TO YOU I AM JUST ANOTHER GUY
AND THE LINE IS OUT THE DOOR
BUT YOU KEPT ME HANGING ON AND STILL
WANTING TO COME BACK FOR MORE

NOTHING CAN EVER MAKE YOU KNOW
JUST HOW YOU MADE ME FEEL
OUR LOVE BEGAN AND STARTED TO GROW
BUT WHAT IS LEFT IS PAIN SO REAL

EVENTUALLY I , LIKE I ALWAYS DO
WILL MOVE ON TO BE HURT AGAIN
IT IS A VICIOUS CYCLE OF PAIN I AM GIVEN
AND I WISH MY LIFE WOULD JUST END

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN SHOCKED
WHEN I WOULD NOT LET GO, AS I BEGAN TO CRY
YOU HAVE LEFT ME A COLDER PERSON
SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY DYING INSIDE

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-2-2015)

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December 2, 2015 0

– Accepted – By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-24-2015)

Accepted
By: Shawn D. Petrie (11-24-2015)

accepted into the arms of strangers
only to fear the loss and danger
that I have felt so many times
so I punish the new for others crimes

I miss the signs when someone cares
I push and shove till they aren’t there
maybe I dont appreciate
the things I have and it’s too late

my aching hands can build up walls
but my aching heart can’t hear the calls
because with so many in my phone
I find myself still all Alone

to have it all or so they say
can be so easily stripped away
can be so easily forgotten and lost
can exceed the price to find the cost

like an insignificant child I wander
I look around in tears I wonder
will the rest of my life, I suffer and ponder
till my broken soul is driven asunder

there’s a clock that’s always ticking
there are memories that are always sticking
I want to remove my crazy mind
and learn to see when folks are kind

but I only see the pain they may cause
so I write up a contract with a hidden Clause
that no matter what I’ll fuck it up
and look at that half empty lonely cup

life is so hard too many feelings
too many dealings
too many times I’ve spent wondering why
sitting alone in sadness I cry

but I’ve grown enough to see
that the biggest problem in my life is me
and although I fear the worst in others
by greatest enemy I’ll always be

although I’ve been rejected
the source of the problem has been detected
in the cracked mirror my true self reflected
and I’ll die alone this much I’ve accepted

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-2-2015)

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December 2, 2015 0

– Angelic Ruins – By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-1-2015)

Angelic Ruins
By: Shawn D. Petrie (12-1-2015)

behind those beautiful eyes
burns a fire that can kill
and devastate the weakened fools
who cower at your will

behind that pretty smile
are sharpened gangly fangs
with an appetite for tearing flesh
like dogs in vicious gangs

behind your words so kind
are hidden words of truth
at least that’s what you call them
when in my eyes they are abuse

behind every single promise
is the key to my demise
for with every other word you speak
you weave in little white lies

but what does this amount to
what does this entail
you shake your ass to draw me In
then reveal the Devils tail

but I am blind and go along
with the lies the smiles the cries
I go along as you knew I would
when you made me your next prize

at your feet I wait for scraps
my hearts raked over the coals
until I get crushed and stored away
with the rest of your collected souls

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(12-2-2015)

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December 2, 2015 0

– Fall Monitor – By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-19-1999)

Fall Monitor
By: Shawn D. Petrie (9-19-1999)

Still walking the black highway
Through the fields of ash
Searching for some friends of new
Disposing of yesterdays trash

Looking for the angel I know
May only exist in a dream
Fighting off the end of my world
Internal agony, steady streams

I view the little screen
Hoping to find so much more
Looking for that crack of light
A little hope shining from under the door

The buttons I press in the dead of the night
To help me through the hours
The people I meet and quickly dismiss
Display self gratifying powers

Who can you trust, why is it easy
Why bother anymore?
No one can fully anticipate
What this stranger has in store

Twisting the words into something that
I can relate to and understand
Expecting rejection, an out stretch of effecting
Trying to prove I’m a man

Still the light is shining on me
Blinding on the nights that I cry
Your sitting with me mocking my pain
Laughing at how hard I try

Right from the start you were there
Through my rise and my fall
If there were games and lies under your mask
Then why did you bother to call?

You can go away now, leave, be gone
Leave me here with my chords and my plugs
Striving to survive, loosing the battle
Depending more and more on the drugs

It would be so easy to turn you off
Forget you, disobey and walk away
But what you did is haunting my soul
And I live with it every single day

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-30-15)

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November 30, 2015 0

– Fair warning – By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-1-2000)

Fair warning
By: Shawn D. Petrie (5-1-2000)

When you find a brand new love
You may want to be sure
That the things that hurt you in the past
Don’t come into play once more

If you have learned from your mistakes
And you have developed a cautious eye
Then you will be able to pre determine
If you should even try

When you look into her eyes
And they seem convincing and true
This isn’t always a sure fire way
To tell if she is lying to you

If her touch brings you so much joy
You think you’ll never be the same
This is when your in your weakest moment
And she may start playing games

Don’t say you love too soon
Because you never can be sure
If what you want is what she wants
And who wants this or that more

And you cannot always tell
Just how somebody feels
Even when they admit and tell you so
There words may not be real

Its the time you spend together
The minutes and the hours
The good times right along with the bad
The pleasures and the sours

Actions are they key
The proof of true love inside
A declaration of a true connection
Neither can deny

Never believe in fate
Its the little lies that can kill
Consider that loving you exclusively
May not be your lovers true will

Cautiously push forward
But never give your all
Because then you will not take it so hard
When she simply decides to not call

Wait until you are sure
But I can bet that you never will
Be ready to forfeit it all at any cost
Because love comes with a big bill

Commit yourself when it is time
Be ready to pick up the slack
Expect that one day when you least expect it
She will stab you in the back

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-30-15)

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November 30, 2015 0

– DON’T SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME – By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-4-1994)

DON’T SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME
By: Shawn D. Petrie (6-4-1994)

DON’T SAY YOU LOVE ME
NEVER TELL ME THAT YOU CARE
I DO NOT KNOW IF I WOULD RETURN IT
SO DON’T TELL ME THAT YOU WILL STAY

DON’T TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME
I JUST CAN’T STAND IT WHEN YOU SAY IT
DON’T LET ME KNOW
THAT YOUR LOVE WILL GROW
BECAUSE IN THAT AREA I FEEL NONE

DON’T TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME
IT IS WAY TOO SOON,
OUR LOVE CANNOT BLOOM
DON’T SAY THAT YOU WILL STAY
BECAUSE THEN YOU WILL SCARE ME AWAY

DON’T TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME
I DON’T KNOW HOW I WILL REACT
BUT PLEASE TELL ME
THAT YOU WILL GIVE ME
ALL THE SEX AND EVERYTHING ELSE I ASK

DON’T TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME
BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE YOU
IN THAT WAY
BUT IF YOU WILL AGREE TO ONLY SUPPORT ME
THEN YES I WANT YOU TO STAY

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– A U G U S T W I L L D E C A Y –
(11-27-15)

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November 27, 2015 0

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