Battle Scars
By: Shawn Petrie (4-10-2000)

A cold and bitter silence
Tore through my heart when you left
Questions without answers
Tormented thoughts while I lay alone

Left on the floor
A busted version of a greater self-portrait
The person I thought you wanted
A change of plan has left me twisted

Fragmented memories with no right
Sometimes keep me awake in the dark
Holding my self as I grow colder
As I am pulled further away from the light

Sounds strike fear for good reason
What is outside my door
Out in the world
More importantly out in yours

I see you pass
Leaving once again with no warning
Proving that everyone fends for themselves
Twisting the knife in the wound

Another closed session
What goes on behind these closed doors
What lies in store for the liars
Standing there ground in their grief stricken lairs

Time mocking me as I wait
Impatience enforces unwanted emotion
You flash through my mind
And my day has gone to waste

Spending too much time on one
Spending too much time resisting
Spending too much time-wasting time
Wasting too much time on you

Shut the door but the light bleeds through
Embarking on yet another great adventure
Hacking its way through to another
Stopping at nothing continue the cutting

Unholy devotion, burning emotion
Bitterness that tastes so familiar
Reminds me how it feels to hate
How it feels to be alone

I pull the blankets closer
Around my shoulders the front lines to battle
Spotting movement related to your lies
Push my fist through the wall

I arise from this frustration
Sleep is so distant and sacrificial
I close my eyes as I arise
And stumble through my dream blind

The mirror to which I resort to
Reflects a broken image and a shattered faith
Reflects an image which chills me to the bone
I look at myself and find the imperfections

Falling backwards towards another failure
Not quite landing on my feet
Just enough life left to keep me alive
In this world which feels so alien

One thing enters my mind
Something I forget to do
Taking one last walk tonight
Into another corridor of repairs

Twist the top off to reveal salvation
Relief in the tube with no truth
Relief in the colorful array of sizes and potencies
A cool glass of liquid eases the entrance

Settling inside my mind
Beginning to spread through my veins
Starting to stop what was unwanted
Stopping the start of a breakdown

Heavy on my feet the world becomes less bearing
The thoughts of insistence become inconsistent
Lying back down one more time, one more try
I have no choice now but to surrender

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By: Shawn Petrie (10-27-2006)

I look around at what is left
When everything good has ripped away
The space to fill is enormous
Its so dark and so cold

I touched the light
I once needed so badly
But it either dimmed down
Or got too bright and burnt up

And now there is nothing

I hear the voices around me
I hear the voices in my head
I know what I need to do
But i cannot take the steps

I was once so enveloped
In hate and pain and resentment
But for a time
You took it all away

I did my best to maintain the feelings
But your love was conditional
You had other motives
I could never have imagined

When we said forever
I felt something settle inside
Which was such a wonder feeling
I’d never had before

Along the way i forgot
Overlooked or maybe just couldn’t feel
That what we had was something
That could last forever

I really don’t know whose fault it is
All i feel is this pain
I feel there is no tomorrow
And yesterday is gone

Right now in this living
This mind is surly dying
And my heart hurts so much
I’m waiting for it to die

Maybe that’s what I’m here for
To always settle and to cry
So afraid to live
Terrified to die

How could you be my partner one day
Be by my side and promise forever
Together we slept and the mornings together
Then switch to the cold person you are

I didn’t offer much
But you were always there
You stood and sat and lied beside me
For what would be forever

I never knew until this moment
That forever has no meaning
And with this reality, cold and jagged
I feel no reason to go on,
To even try….anymore

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Asking for a lot
By: Shawn Petrie (2-22-2002)

There’s got to be someone in this world
Who need the things I need
Who feels the love i feel
And loves the things i love

There’s got to be a place for me
Where no pain or harm can reach
A place where i can be with you
A place you might just wish for too

There’s got to be someone in this world
That will never turn away
When i ask them will they always stay
\when the harshest parts of me are strong

There’s got to be a life for me
That is enough to satisfy
That’s enough to keep me smiling
For more that just a minute

There’s no way i will ever know
Unless i just get up and go
And search for the dreams i feel inside
There’s got to be a pay off for me

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